So I'm running around on my lunch break, the usual; gas station, post office, pick up some eats, and it's West Coast Wednesday mix on the twelve o'clock hip-hop station, and then on comes Ice Cube's "Pushing Weight" (I push rhymes like weight, I push rhymes like weight, that one) and so I start feeling the beat and get to flllyyyyin' down the parkway, then my cellie rings and it's my son just checkin' in, and I'm still jammin' (push rhymes like weight), then my cellie rings again and it's that girl TAM wanting to run past the design she had in mind for my custom stationary, and I'm still flyin', (pushing rhymes like weight) and then BAM - red lights flashing all in my rear view!! Damn!
A sista gettin' pulled over by the most notorious gangstas...the LAPD!!!
So now I'm sweating cause I don't have insurance papers on my person, and the motorcycle cop is taking his sweet time walkin' up to my ride, and I see it's an older white dude and I'm thinking !DAMN! my cute ass flirting routine might not get me out of this jam, so I straighten up and attempt to erase ALL signs of my natural screwface, and then do my best to breathe and try to give him THIS face
you know, the "oh hello was I speeding really I didn't even realize it I'm so sorry I just got momentarily sidetracked" look, and then he just goes "LICENSE and REGISTRATION....in a dry-ass manner.."
So THEN I am forced to pull out my usual line that I offer, each time I do something illegal which goes:
"I'm so sorry! My husband works for _________ division, can I just tell him I've been a bad girl and have him spank me when I get home?"
Heh heh. Cops love that kinda shit. And ladies, don't you even pretend that you don't post up with the feminine wiles when necessary. I mean, it's not like I was gonna screw the old ugly dude, but a lil' smile and sweetness can smooth things out a bit....feminine power used wisely is oh so potent...
And hey, "my husband" is now my EX, but whatever. Semantics. We're the best of friends, and he's still an LA police officer. He'll cover for me. Always does. So, big ups to the Supa-Ex. You're still THE MAN. (see? that feminine stuff again)
SO! After a few more minutes of skinnin' and grinnin', ya girl was sent off with a stern warning. No ticket. See?
And thank goodness. Cause I hate taking internet traffic school....
Today is turning into Wacky Wednesday.
I need a drink...