Monday, October 31, 2005

Movie Review: Layer Cake

I anxiously awaited my Netflix delivery of "Layer Cake", the new English gangsta crime flick. I wanted to check it out because (a) I love a good gangsta crime flick, and (b) I wanted to see if that guy Daniel Craig is really a good choice for the next James Bond, because I'm still kinda salty that my boyfriend Clive Owen wasn't picked for the part. Clive Owen is so freakin' hot.

So - Layer Cake was a disappointment. The visuals and the soundtrack were good, but the script itself tried too hard to to delve into each "layer" of twists, storylines, and plots, and it failed miserably - as many book-to-screen adaptations do. Not enough character development and backstory, storylines were brought up and then dropped with no resolution and/or explanation. I really hate when that happens. I won't get into any spoilers on this one, 'cause it just isn't worth it. Layer Cake is a bootleg Goodfellas or Carlito's Way, with mediocre acting and convoluted storylines. Oh yeah, and I wonder who Daniel Craig screwed to walk away with the Bond role. Just wasn't impressed.

A friend suggested the movie "Croupier", which was along the same lines of Layer Cake, yet much more compelling. Plus, Clive Owen starred in it. And he's hot.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Supa Sister, out!

I'm marinating on my next piece, 'Women and Mushiness in the 21st Century.' My girl and I were lunchin' and chatting about how we're all lovey-dovey after a nice time with a nice-enough guy but in about 2 days how quickly that magic begins to wear off and said honey ends up kinda getting on your nerves. How a chick ends up duckin' phone calls and makin' lame excuses 'cause you've got more important projects goin' on and/or basically just don't feel like being bothered...Are we turning into the men we use to blast for being unattentive and self-absorbed?! Or are we in the active process of self-actualizing, investigating and discovering ourselves in this Brand New World in a Brand New Way, and just refuse to be distracted by anything, including good hot sex? Or, maybe a little of both?

Has mushiness in the 21st century gone extinct? Hmm.......

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Thanks, Jude!

My girl Jude from my writing crew shouted me out on her blog. Check her out, she's crazy like me. I don't have any sane friends. Sane people are boring.

Harriet Miers

Dear Harriet,

Ha ha HA! Nobody believes your bullshit excuse for pulling the plug on your own half-ass nomination. Just shut up. And go home.

P.S. - Can you take Bush with you? Please? I'll give you 50 cents.

P.P.S. - Oh, and on the superficial tip: You're kinda frumpy.


Supa Sister

Is it Just ME?

Sometimes, I crack my own shit up. Ever do that? I mean, like really, some of the most random stupid silliness pops into my mind, when there's just no cause. No logical reason for it. None. None at all.

Like the other night, I was chillin' underneath my electric blanket bouncing text messages back and forth with some of my peeps and channel surfin in hopes these mundane activities would actually help me fall asleep, and I ran across a show the E! Channel was airing about delving into the minds of the most infamous serial killers. And really, that stuff is so interesting to me. I considered majoring in criminal psych in college, but then, I dropped out.

So, it was finally Jeffrey Dahmer's turn to get some airtime, and they went on to discuss all the absolutely heinous and gruesome things good ole Jeff did to those guys in his apartment. Drilling holes in skulls, cooking and boiling skin, sawing up folks on the floor....

And aside from all this information almost causing me to vomit, at the same time, I was all like..."damn, his carpet must have been FUCKED. Wonder if his landlord gave him back the security deposit...."

Just me?

There must be a name for twisted, totally inappropriate humor such as that. And don't say Tourette's, because I merely managed to think it, and not yell it out loud.

Anyone? Anyone?

Okay, just me.

That is all, carry on.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Rosa Parks R.I.P.

Thank you Rosa, for your fine example of activism, determination, and courage. A legacy that will never be forgotten. You are a modern-day heroinne.

Supa Sister Rant: Don't Be A Sloppy Joe!

Sloppy Joes

Although there seems to be a proliferation of the usual “creepin’” going on out there – the occurrence of disgustingly bad, sloppy cheaters is on the rise.

Now, a cheating man is bad enough, but a stupid-ass cheating man is just plain fucking intolerable.

Supa Sista believes – if you’re going to tip, please please please, have your game tight. Cheat like a real man. Okay? At least act like you care about protecting your main girl, and have more compassion for someone else beside your own weak and/or hounding soul and your allegedly neglected and unsatisfied dick. Don’t have your wife or primary chick out there all dumbfounded and traumatized, thinking you don’t love her because you failed to protect her from the truth, when the reality of your extracurricular activities come back and blow up in your face.

So! Since Supa Sister and her Supa Friends have been initiated by some of the most shiesty, hard mackin’, pimp-tacular, playalistic, cocky, spoiled, self-centered, naively arrogant, stupid-ass, lyin’, clueless guys to be found on the planet, we’ve compiled a few basic do’s and don’ts to keep in mind while you’re out there believing your ass is too smooth to get caught:

…..Realize that at some point, there’s a 95% chance you will get busted. Unless you’ve solidified your game down to every possible angle and your mack skills have gone global, just know that you, as a regular joe, are bound to get sloppy. Trust me dude, it’s inevitable. Women (yes even the one you’re with) have an inborn, stealth-like instinct and power to sniff out a cheating joe. Even when you're convinced you’re getting away with it, you’re probably not. Sucker! Trust me, the ish will catch up to you. If you think you’re getting over on your girl, it’s probably because (a) she’s waiting to gather more evidence to bust your ass, (b) she’s out tippin’ herself, (c) she’s extremely involved with other things in her life and her radar is severely compromised – (which is why you started tippin’ because she didn’t pay attention to you, we know), or (d) she doesn’t want to be without a man, even a wonderful wandering man like yourself, so she just turns the other cheek and let’s your creepin’ butt run amok.

…..Realize that cellular phone calls, pagers, and emails are the surest way to get your ass busted. Really, it’s the oldest sloppy joe fuck-up in the book. Technology, in all its wonderfullness, will get you! From caller ID to Star 69 to text pages to receipts and electronic data for everything, chances are there’s a way to track your movements once you get a suspicious chick on your trail. A cell phone and/or bill contain all the necessary information about who you’re calling, when, and for how long. Email accounts, voicemail and passwords are easily compromised. Unless you own a safety deposit box to use as somewhere you can stash all cheating related items, realize that all jean pockets, drawers, weed stashes, car glove compartments, notes, cards, mail, your friends, your co-workers, and ATM receipts are all subject to question, search and seizure by a suspicious chick. *Tip: Invest in a quality shredder. Office Depot, $19.99.

……Have a well-thought out cheating plan. If your game is super tight, you’ll develop a cheating contract right up front. (i.e., this is who I am, what I’m doing, are you down for this, this is what we should agree to if anything ever happens to go down, act like you don’t know me if you see me out on the street, etc.)

Lack of planning is the true sign of a sloppy joe. Jumping into a cheating scenario willy-nilly is a big mistake. You must ask yourself:

- Is this just a piece of ass, a “hit-it-and-quit-it,” or do I really like secondary chick?
- Will you be upfront about having a girlfriend/wife to potential suitors and just admit that you want some side-ass and a little excitement, or will you go the “just not satisfied in my relationship” or “she doesn’t really care what I do” route?
- Will certain places be deemed off-limits because of your primary relationship, or will you flaunt secondary chick all over town, no matter what?
- Will you subsidize an extra cell for your extra-curricular activities(also known as The Hottie-Hotline), or will you continue to use the same phone number?
- Will you only cheat with other chicks already married or in a relationship, or are single ones still on the menu?
- When the “you’re busted” moment comes down, will you admit to it like true “G”, or will you compound the situation with stupid ass retorts, replies that just make no fucking sense, pitiful justifications, wack-ass smokescreens, scapegoats, excuses, sob stories, etc?

Answering these questions is imperative; it will serve as the basis for which lies will apply for what scenario. Which leads to…..

…..strive to be consistent with your lies. Although being a quick, consistent, and unflinching liar probably means you’re some kind of sociopath, it doesn’t hurt your cheating game in the least. Nothing brings shade on you quicker than those inconsistencies and bullshit stories that even a deaf, dumb, and blind chick could see through. Keep a notebook and files if you have to, but having a photographic memory helps too. Memorize those other women’s phone numbers, fellas. Memorize, memorize, memorize! Do not store them in your phone. Any extra effort you extend will always be appreciated.

…realize that everything you say will be remembered, and held up to scrutiny at a later date. When questioned, just man-up, and act like your blood ‘aint pumpin' with Kool-Aid. In other words, don't simp or act bitch-made when confronted. If you’re striving to be a serious cheat, don’t act nervous, fiddle with your goatee, stare aimlessly at the ground, get silent, or ramble on with a bunch of bullshit, like "ummmm", and "well, you know.." Be able to say “Yeah I fucked her. Now what?” Just be honest about your shit, and spare everyone the drama. A chick might stab you, or pump a few caps in your ass, but secretly, she’ll respect you.

…..have a contingency plan, for when you run across a Fatal Attraction type who doesn’t want to let go when you try to put her down. Try to find a really dumb (well, dumber than you) or desperate chick to cheat with, when at all possible. This can keep your drama to a minimum, but there are no guarantees. ‘Cause dumb and desperate chicks have feelings too. And any real woman who feels hurt and betrayed will basically annihilate you, just on GP. Also remember - if you cheat with a chick who has a reasonable amount of sense, and she finds out (a) you’ve been lying to her, or (b) you really 'aint all that, just a sorry-ass sloppy joe looking for some fun to distract himself from his otherwise sorry and unfulfilled life – then you’ve got major major drama. MAJOR DRAMA, dude!

……ever think your girl is too sweet or stupid to check up on you. Ever. Yes, that includes hiring someone and having you followed. Ever seen the TV show “Cheaters?” Shit is hilarious. Check it out, consider it research.

.........ever, ever never ever never, have sex without a condom. EVER!!!!

DON'T....ever forget to dispose of condom wrappers, used condoms, sex toys, porn, receipts etc. you’ve used with/while cavorting with your side-chick. EVER!!!!

……..rule out the possibility that not only will you get busted, you might lose the quality of life as you know it. ‘Cause if you haven’t heard, betrayals and cheating can really jack up a relationship. And, not only will you lose the respect of many people (not just your wife, primary & secondary chicks, bootie calls, etc.) - you will also be laughed at by people who don’t even know you, when others are re-telling your sloppy-joe stories to their family and friends.

DON’T …..
……ever forget that it’s your choice to be a cheater. You wanna run with the big dawgs, cool. Just remind yourself that any drama you incur is self-inflicted. You can always NOT cheat….you can always be honest and on the up and up. You can always end one relationship in a reasonable fashion, before starting another one. You can always go read a fucking book, join Greenpeace, get yourself into a therapist’s office and try to improve your life instead of inflicting yourself on others…

But if you must, I mean, If you just MUST…….
(start at the top...)

Supa Sister, out!