Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Holiday Antics, Part II

So after Supa Sister/Ms. Mom dropped off RR#1 at his pal’s pad, she and Ruff Ryder #2 (The Girl) decided to zip on over to Border’s to browse and read and shop and sip tea. No dice. It was New Year’s eve, and apparently Border’s had better things to do than entertaining Supa and her lovely spawn because they posted a rather ugly sign indicating they were closed early because of the holiday. Shit.

Now Supa would be forced to find other activities to keep The Girl occupied and happy, which is more than a notion because said Girl is supa precocious and all diva-fied and high-maintenance, and she’s contantly broadcasting her wants needs desires dreams college choices travel plans next shopping spree and what happened last week in ballet class, etc. Who knows where she gets all that self-involved bullshit from.

So Supa Sis and The Girl walk to the movie theater across the outdoor mall. Proceed to stand outside for twenty minutes engaging in our individual hissy fits about which movie we want to see and why. And Supa must interject here that she is very tired of succumbing to every whim of an eleven year old child. Supa wanted to put her high-heeled boot down and drag The Girl to see Munich or Syriana or even The Family Stone, but Girl then reminded her that she promised to take her to see Chronicles of Narnia for pulling down straight A’s and making student of the month.

Supa was stuck.

So Supa pays the five hundred dollars to get some damn refreshments, and we’re off to see the fucking Chronicles. Supa was salty, which didn’t bode well for the rest of the evening. At. All. So I will begin the rant here:

If you are forced to make a decision between going to see Chronicles of Narnia or sticking flaming hot needles in your eyes, go ahead and warm up those needles. Sitting through that stupid movie was the most grueling exhausting offensive shit Supa has had to endure in a long long time.

First off, the child actors in that flic were some of the most gruesome-looking set of non-acting cracker kids I’ve ever had the displeasure to witness in my entire fucking life. Look:

And the Girl didn’t even seem to notice. Which pissed Supa off even more, ‘cause she can’t stand being forced to look at the kind of fugly ass average white kids who would no doubt grow up and try to oppress her beautiful highly intelligent and gifted melanin-blessed kids, if her kids were the kind who didn’t have a Supa Mom to properly educate (cough*indoctrinate*cough) them about the realness of this racist country and the sterotypes in the media and the bullshit of the over-idolized european standard of beauty and all that kind of stuff right there. So needless to say, Supa was heated like ten minutes into the damn movie. And she was huffing and puffing and made a big deal of voicing her displeasure to The Girl about actually being railroaded into paying for this load of crap. (not to worry, the Ruff Ryders are quite accustomed to Supa Sister’s snarky ways)

And another thing. Supa Sis knows Chronicles is based on C.S. Lewis' ‘The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe,’ Supa read it when she was little, but with all those gnomes and fawns and centurians and ugly white witches with dreadlocs all other sorts of wacky “unique” characters portrayed in this “fantasy film,” Supa immediately noticed that there wasn't nare a black folk in sight. Not a one. It’s 2005/06 and I can’t get even one colored representation on the screen where every other human-half-animal under the sun exists in this so called “fantasy world?” Apparently not. So fuck Narnia. It can stay in the fucking wardrobe for all I care.

Next time, I’ll promise the girl some cash.

That is all. Carry on.


onecoolhoney said...

LMAO! Yeah, I wonder where in the heck she gets that stuff from too! HAHAHAAAAA! $500!? Girl, you ain't knowin' about smugglin'? When you come out here in July I will have to show you my greatest tricks that have enabled me to smuggle in pizza, barbecue ribs, bottled sodas, burritos, pastrami dogs...all up IN the movies. lol Be havin' everybody in my vicinity lookin' around tryna figure out who in the hell is gettin' they grub on all like that. hehehe

Oh uh yeah, homie!! Those kids are a tad uncute. (ROFL @ my girl hatin' like a mug on those kids!) Damn, and me and S would be taking our three to see Narnia next weekend--you know I'm gon' be snickering every time they show those faces!!

Supa said...

Now OCS - how phuck you smuggle in a damn pizza!!! I'm a small time smuggler (water, sodas, popcorn) so you'll have to hit me up with those tips. lol

Be warned - Chronicles is two long fucking hours!!!!!!!!

Supa said...

Pastrami??? Ribs??? In the movies?!?! You got me LMAO.

mrs.tj said...

My Goodness! There is no reason for me to be laughing so loud here at work!!!

Oh! AND I will for sure be buying your book!


Supa said...

Thanks, Mrs. TJ!!!!

Glad you got a laugh off my misery!!! :)

African girl, American world said...

Girl you crazy but I'm with you.

The husband took the babies ages 6 and 4 and they're still talking about it and want to see it again.

I'm content not seeing it and I read the book and loved it way back then.

Lil Miss Girl sounds like quite the character :)

Anonymous said...

The kids are not cute and cannot act to save their lives; however, I enjoyed the biblical based storyline (though the mortal in the back of my mind wanted little Edmond to get his!) But that's why I am not Jesus:)

Hopefully, The Girl learned a valuable lesson in that if she is gonna sell out her bro for something, let it be more fabu, fly or even cost-worthy than a few pieces of f*cking Turkish Delight!

Shawn said...

One day your Rough Riders will be all grown up and you'll miss the crappy movies. I never thought I'd miss that "On Ice" crap but I do. You know "Disney On Ice", "Sesame Street On Ice, "Popeye On Ice", etc.....

ddsprncs said...

Oh Great! My daughter wants to see this. Maybe if she reads this I can be spared. At least I can save on the snacks, out here we can bring snacks in.
On another note:
Aren't little girls great!

Supa said...

CG - I forgot all about that Turkish Delight!! I don't even know what the heck it is!!1

Shawn - NO I won't miss movies like this!!! But I hear ya...

DD - My Girl will be the death of me!!!!

Dizzy said...

Okay, so you just stupid!!! That was funny as shyt! Yeah, they rob you at the theaters, and if you get hit before the movie starts, you're probably not going to enjoy the movie as much!! Hey, I have taken the stance on not buying anything at the theater and just eating afterwards. That witch in the movie was a little weird too!!

Genesis said...

i gotta co-sign on that movie...same thing with that stupid lemony snickett and the series of unfortunate events. WTF?

they always got some bland looking...funny looking...bland acting white kids in these movies...the only one that can get a pass is dakota fanning...she aint really that cute...but she can act and she's white...so she'll be aight.

Supa said...

@ Doc - yo dude, Dakota gives me the creeps big time. She's been missing her two front teeth for like 4 years now...

Miss Ahmad said...

that was the whitest of white movies of all times..it so white it was blinding, so white i thought i was gonna die, and having to look at a kid who was in desperate need of braces for three hours was hurting me. i really don't recall the book being that long, or i would still be reading it as an adult.

i liked the crazy as white witch with the dreadlocks though, she was kinda kinky but that's my sick sense of humor!

i won't be purchasing the DVD!

sexy petite diva said...

the joys of motherhood! sorry you had to sit through it. did rr2 like it?