Sunday, March 19, 2006

Sassy Runs the Supa Pad...

*Disclaimer: If you aren’t an “animal person” and don’t have a frame of reference and/or basic tolerance for people and their “pet dramas,” I’m advising you, move on to another post. SingleMa and Cocoa, I know you'll stay with me.

Okay. This is Sassy aka the Pooch. (posted up by the fridge, as usual)

She’s your ordinary lovable ultra pampered spoiled urban house canine. A real cutie-brat. (nickname given by Free)

So. For the last few days, Sassy hasn’t been her usual hyperactive demanding self. She’s been eating and shitting all right, but she hasn’t been running around like usual, nosing her way into everyone’s business and begging for my and the RR’s food – so, that’s when I knew something was amiss. Then, Friday night, she started to whimper when I went to pick her up, totally rebuffed my attempt to rub her tummy, and instead coiled into a little ball - so I knew right then, I’d be taking her to see the Pooch Doctor first thing Saturday morning.

Saturday morning: Dropped off the Pooch for her exam with the Pooch Doc, then jetted off to yoga. As I walk into class, vet calls. Says: “Ms. SS, I’ve examined Sassy, and can’t find anything wrong – she doesn’t have a fever, yadda yadda, she’s a tad overweight, but she looks healthy.” Hmmmm…… Then, I verbally submit that I know something’s wrong due to her strange behavior, and so the Pooch Doc suggests that he’ll take some x-rays and run some blood panels just to be sure. Yeah. Okay.

So right then I had it in my mind that Sassy’s a big FAKER, and simply got pissed because the last two weeks Supa’s either been runnin’ the streets, writing, yucking it up on the phone a lil’ more than usual, or retiring to bed early without taking their evening walk – and she just needed some attention. And she was willing to make Supa drop some chedda at the vet to get her point across. Hmmm…

So, into yoga class. While sitting in Sukhasana, my aunt inquires about the impending Sassy drama. “Vet just called,” I say. “’Aint nothing wrong with Sassy. I’ma spank her when I get home…” We both laugh, then proceed to huff and puff (I mean, breeaathhe) our way through the rest of class.

Finish and exit yoga. Check voicemail. Pooch Doc called to say: “Well, Ms. SS, seems that Sassy has a slipped disc (L2) in her back, and we’ll need you to…..”

Awwwww lawd nooooo not my baby lawwdd noooooooo….!!!!” (Supa actin’ a fool on a busy urban avenue, while listening to message and walking back to her car) “Ooohh my poor baby!” I start to tear up (okay, cry), seriously. Then immediately start to guilt trippin’..... thinking that the Pooch was just faking for attention….thinking about how many times I’ve let her slightly pudgy ass JUMP off my high ass bed, all the while scoffing at the notion of purchasing her some doggy stairs….thinking about how I’ve ruined her diet by allowing her to sit up and munch sugar cookies with me as a late night snack, etc…

So. Race up to the vet’s office. Meanwhile, call The Girl, whine and tell her what’s going down so she can guilt trip me more about the whole deal. (Mommy, nooo! What did you do?!?) Walk into office, confer with Pooch Doc. Yes, he advises, she probably cracked her back by jumping off the bed (guilt), and it didn’t help matters that she could stand to lose a few pounds (guilt guilt), and how she’s a little doggie and can’t withstand a lot of weight on her legs (ready to slit my wrist), and how she has to take this expensive medicine and refrain from physical activity for two weeks so she can heal and hopefully avoid having to have surgery. Oh, and pay that ridiculous ass bill on the way out. Yeah.

And so I ask – whaddaya mean, refrain from physical activity? Sassy likes to run, and jump, and slide around, and dry-hump her favorite stuffed animal at regular intervals throughout the day.

(pic of Sassy's favorite "toy." She be humpin' the shit outta this bad boy)

So like, how am I supposed to keep her from doing all that? Do your best, he advises. Confine her, watch her every move, do what you can. Or – the dreaded surgery. Oh yeah, and and pay that bill on the way out.

SO. For the past twenty-four hours, Sassy Pooch has been diva numero uno up in this piece. Between me and the RR’s, she’s been carried, rubbed, fed, and hawked over at every conceivable turn. I bought her gourmet dinners and meaty bones and a nice baby blanket to curl up on. Calls are coming in; the info has now spread through the family tree. The Girl suggested I take some time off work in order to look after her properly – and of course, she’d have to skip school, too. The Boy said, “See, told ya’ll she was getting too fat. ” Shut up. Everyone, just shut up. I’m dancing as fast as I can. The whole ordeal forced me to go shopping yesterday afternoon…

And last night, I had this crazy dream.. I was touring somewhere in Africa, Tanzania if I remember correctly, with a group of artistic folk on some kind of cultural exchange program. We were scheduled to read poetry at some celebration ceremony or something. Everyone was dressed in authentic regionally appropriate gear, except me – I had on my 4 inch Aldo Italian leather wedgies, some tight ass capri jeans, and my bright orange “crack is wack” t-shirt. What the fuck. I was pissed. For some reason, nobody cared. They just wanted me to read some poetry piece about “Ode to Beyonce” and had a blonde wig for me to wear while doing so. I absolutely fucking refused. There was chaos, arguments going down.

I jumped up outta my dream with a start – to find Sassy’s ass in my face, her fur obstructing the areas vital for the intake of oxygen to the brain. Apparently, she was mad because I fell asleep and stopped rubbing her belly for all of maybe, twenty minutes.

It’s a wonderful life at the Supa Sassy Pad.

Don’t laugh. Stay tuned…..

PS - As if the above referenced situation wasn't enough - apparently my beloved Razr phone has been unable to hold a charge the entire weekend, so if any of my peeps tried to holla, I wasn't screening this time....


Sangindiva said...

I know how it feels when the baby gets sick!!
Stop slippin' and take care of my dog!!
You know I've got to live vicariously through
you cause I travel too much to have a dog...
AND I'm in the "Chronically Late Sleep Whore" club
too. I'm not only a client... well, you know the rest! :)

Sangindiva said...

By the way...
The attention whore strikes again...

Genesis said...

lol@ screening calls...i do that 2. that dog is a diva deluxe!

Single Ma said...


*immediate switch to pet mommy mode* ju poor Sassy, ju poor baby *wishin I could pet Sassy right now* SingleMa so sorry Supa been actin like a crackhead mommy.

*lookin up the number to child...I mean pet...protective services*



Supa, seriously this post gave me so many mixed emotions. That's a true sign of a good writer...even when you aint even trying.

So right then I had it in my mind that Sassy’s a big FAKER hmm

I’ma spank her when I get home... LOL

Well, Ms. SS, seems that Sassy has a slipped disc (L2) in her back, and we’ll need you to... OMG! NO!!!!!

she probably cracked her back by jumping off the bed...she’s a little doggie and can’t withstand a lot of weight on her legs... *pissed* dammit you know betta!

For the past twenty-four hours, Sassy Pooch has been diva numero uno up in this piece... Smile

The whole ordeal forced me to go shopping yesterday afternoon... LOL I'ma act like I didn't see that part

And last night, I had this crazy dream... LMAO *thinking* Sassy done fucked her head up.

I jumped up outta my dream with a start – to find Sassy’s ass in my face, her fur obstructing the areas vital for the intake of oxygen to the brain. ROTFLBMAO!

If Sassy's anything like Precious, staying home with her all day might make her MORE active. When we're not here, all she does is lounge and sleep all day. The left side of the couch has her permanent imprint. ;-)

Just out of curiosity, did you get an estimate for the surgery? Do you have pet insurance? If not, it might be worth looking into now. I'll email you some info on the company I use.

Brave Lurker said...

Supa, this blog is your funniest yet. My goodness, you and Sassy are truly made for each other . . . I do hope the little cutie recovers well and loses some pooch pounds soon.

Knockout Zed said...

Sassy wears the big drawers up in that piece.

"Forced you to shop". African, please!

I still luv ya though.


MzNewAgenda said...

I feel your pain...everyone laughed at me when they found out that my baby (my toy poodle Suzi) has health insurance. and when they laughed at me I gave them the *blank stare* face. I mean hell she gotta get here exams too. She has a dentist appointment next week cause she got plaque on her teef. I ain't studyn' the haters. Gon' take care of your poochie.... *smile*

Supa said...


@ SingleMa: That bad?! Have I been a crackhead pet mommy? Well. Maybe a lil' "crackish" pet insurance - had the lil' brochure...but NOW she has a "pre-existing condition"...ahh, well talk on email..

@ Zeddie: African - leave me alone!

@ NewAgenda, Doc, Singin' Diva, Brave: Thx!!!

Free said...

Now I miss my puppy!!!! (Damn - you bout to make me want to go out and get another dog, Supa)

Anonymous said...

I haven't even read the post yet, but just wanted to say that I absolutely LOVE SASSY!!!!!!!

omgosh! Okay...I'll be back in a minute...

Anonymous said...

OK. Cocoa has picked up on a little survival of the diva-est up in the Sassy, ahem, Supa, household.

You, RR-girly and Sassy are too many divas under one roof, but the Poochie is losing out b/c she can't talk! I suggest you put your diva on hold a bit and cater to her every need! That way, she'll maybe one day decide to forgive you for your mommy-dearest behavior.

...letting her jump off high-azz beds and wouldn't happen to own any wire hangers, would you???

LOL!!!! I'm just kidding, but do take care of poochie - she's just so damn fly. And those well-cut Sno-ball-Hostess-treats-like paws are amazing!!!!

EmergingPhoenix said...

Sassy is a diva. I'm glad to hear that she will be fine.

dpm said...

Man... No comment. I'm old school when it comes to dogs. You gotta have a job to get health benefits!
Then again she so "cuttie-cuttie cute!"


"Sassy." Y'allz funny.

Takeitoutside said...

Awww..she is tooooo cute!!!

African girl, American world said...

well I did text u so maybe that splains it :)

your dream had me cracking up! i mean u had the shoes down and eerthang. guess it would be the equivalent of me getting a perm LOL.

now bout Sassy....hmmm i luvs me some doggies especially cute ones like Sassy but y'all are r single handedly breaking the stereotype of black folks and dogs :) and I gots to call my parents cause they were clowing something terrible bout the doggy Ima tell I actually know someone who may soon own one!

Supa said...

Mwabi: Already ordered the doggy stairs....