Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Supa Sister is a Chronically Late Sleep Whore

Supa Sister is beginning to accept the fact that it might be a basic physical impossibility to present herself to work on time. (Cocoa Girl spoke on this subject..somewhere on her blog.) Because surely no matter what Supa Sister does or how much lead time she gives herself, she will always find a way to Fuck Up her meticulously thought-out and preemptive "Get Your Shit Together So You Don't Have to Rush in the Morning" plan.

Main reasons of failure being: Supa Sister spends the most of each day getting her complete and fabulous hustle on and therefore really really needs her replenish time, and also because she’s a bona fide sleep whore who simply relishes any time spent luxuriating and power-lounging amongst her 800 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, overly fluffy down comforter, gang of white linen scented feather down pillows and cozy electric blanket, in her mosquito-net draped, mahogany-oak sleigh bed. That, and the simple fact Supa Sister just has no fucking interest in waking up every weekday morning at six got damn fifteen a.m.

And to complicate matters, it doesn’t at all help that Supa Sister’s special powers tend to present themselves during that coveted unconscious mode most people call QUALITY SLEEP, which in Supa Sister’s case, means she’s usually off astral traveling somewhere, or having some kind of lucid dream, or vision, or premonition, so when Supa Sister awakes, she must take a quantifiable amount of time to decipher what went down and if she needs to call anyone to inform them that she's sorry but in about two days they’re gonna die.

Don't misunderstand, all that traveling and romping around in the astral realm and seeing into the unchangeable future can be loads of fun, but that shit does makes me kinda tired. (Trust and believe – it’s a gift and a curse.) So if anyone has found the proper knack of coming to grips with one’s psychic abilities while simultaneously selecting a proper outfit and jewelry combination befitting a fly-ass fashionista on her way to the C.S.S. (Corporate Slave Ship), please - let a sista know.

So. This morning Supa Sister’s tardiness surpassed the ‘mildly late’ range and quietly careened into the Just Fucking Triflin’category. Her first outfit selection wasn’t to her liking, and the second showed strong improvement, but then the remaining accessories from Outfit #1 were all wrong. And Supa Sister just hates when that happens. So it took her an extra thirty minutes to remedy the gear faux pas, all while trying to figure out what that dream about chatting over Starbucks coffee while vacationing on the Planet Venus with her favorite dead uncle, an anonymous talking brown spotted duck, and J-Lo really meant.

Supa Sister, out.

And still sleepy.

And still kinda mad because I still don't like what I have on.


Anonymous said...

Hahaha...good one! I apply a full face every morning on the rush hour train. I think those people think I'm crazy by now. Also, when I don't do make up on the train (and forget about at home), I have to resort to the work restroom, where all the women-men on the trading floor act like something is wrong with me for pulling out a tube of gloss.

You would think I'd get it together, but n!gga nah!

Ja said...

WORK! WTF? What's that?

Oh I see you didn't get the monthly Astral Travel memo. Hit me up and I'll explain how it works. There is a method to the madness. I mean but you've got the essentials down...right? I mean... you got your thigh boots, your whip, handcuffs and chain right. Oh yeah you are going to need hella lots of mascara. Damn...I almost forgot the most important thing, a black lace bustier and garter belt and a Persian rug (and I'm not talking swap meet shit either).

What the hell, gimme 5 and I'll fax you the memo.

PS: You didn't by chance run into my Muse while you were out traveling last night did you. That MF has flown the coop again. WTH?


Supa said...

Too sleepy to post a witty reply....*yawn*

Shawn said...

Ha! It's those sheets! I suggest you take a trip to your nearest Walmart or KMart and buy yourself some 180 poly/cotton mix $9.99 set and I guarantee you will not want to stay in the bed any longer than you have too!

It's so funny that you mention sheets today, but today at TJ Maxx I purchased myself a set of Egyption Cotton Sheets and a white comforter. I'm trying to make myself a Westin Heavenly Bed!!!

Supa said...

Shawn, watch out! Them sheets is like crack cocaine! LOL

"N" Search of Ecstasy said...

Ooooh, that bed looks so damn good!

Super Sista I am right there with you late to work practically every damn day myself. I'm gonna have to get my act together when I start that new job though, lol.

I can't be pulling this same ole crap I pull now when I get to the new joint, ha, ha, ha!

Sexy Petite Diva said...

supa sister: you make me laugh!

i use to subsist on 6 hour or less of sleep back in the day. currently i'm not working and if i don't get 10 hours of sleep i'm all out of whack! and a nap.

i wish i could have a bed for sleeping and a bed for sex. my husband would know what was going to happen by which bed i was in.:)

ddsprncs said...

OK why did I insert my daughters name and the word school and read this to her, she agrees with you.

Zamounde said...

I get up early in the morn' every day and then I get ready for work, too, soon so I go in early before everyone gets there and talk to myself about what I'm going to do today, who I need to cuss out, who I need to avoid cussing out so I don't go to jail, and what young tight ass tempetuous young women I'm not going to look at as they pass my cubicle. But after all that planning I disregard my preventive methods and do what I said I would not do for most of it, then I crash out by Friday, and tell the boss I won't be in Monday. He can't say anything because I do all the work plus more that keeps him out of the frying pan--what am I blabbing about? Oh what I wanted to say was don't try to plan things that you know you won't do because it's a waste of time. I know I won't put the seat down in the bathroom when I finish so I don't plan on it despite what my wife says--I can't change that. Hey your bed looks comfortable, I sleep on a cardboard-like surface called a mattress. I was thinking about buying 20 pillows and sewing them together then call it a mattress. I went to some sleep number seminar and those beds cost too damn much for a brother to come out of his pockets right now because I bought my wife this mansion that's being built surrounded by corn fields out in the middle of no where--nothing like Detroit where I grew up. So I guess I'll screen save your bed to remind me of what luxury looks like--that bed is for a Supa someone sister LOL but I'm afraid to be in it with ya at the same time so can you mail it to me as is? I'm tripping for real...but that bed is tempting. I want to jump in and go to sleep. Matter of fact I better go to bed it's one something in the morning. I just wanted to holler at you Timbooktu-er.