The Art of the Polite Diss

So there Supa was, strolling Leimert Park on a Sunday afternoon, minding her own while shopping for oils & incense, books, and some good old fashioned sustenance. (grub) She walks into the new Jamaican restaurant and browses the menu, eagerly hoping to roll up on some tasty curry chicken, veggies n rice, or even some bomb ass spinach patties, and possibly even some Ting. Suddenly, Supa notices a large figure approaching from her left. *sigh* It's a dude.

So, dude approaches. Engages Supa in polite enough banter. Nice weather, you lookin' nice today, have you eaten here before, blabbity blah. Brotha was all gentleman. Polite, decent convo, didn't rush into any wack lines, etc. So, Supa's chattin' with bruh, waiting for her food. Brotha then ups his game and offers, "So hey, I'm from outta town (Miami) and just rollin' through on business (legal/illegal? hmmm..), where's a nice spot to, you know, hang out and chill...with a sista like you?"

Okay. First of all, Supa knows of plenty of spots to hang out and chill, none of which would be the types of joints in which this brotha could make an appearance and not look like a clown. Oh, maybe this is where I should interject that his mouth looked like this.
And he was rockin' one of them "midget" type medallions Luda be talkin' bout. Not Supa's type, but you're throwing the dice if you actually say that type of stuff.

So, this is where we come to "The Art of the Polite Diss." Contrary to popular opinion, there is a science to this shit. If you're on your A game, one knows she must not haphazardly throw out a garden-variety diss; one must use her creativity, and tailor diss to match the current situation/subject. Failure to do so can result in some pretty testy situations. Some brothas got them things called fragile egos, and much prefer for them to not get cracked..

So in this instance, taking into account said Grillz' general demeanor, Supa gave him the casual "thanks, but I'm married" polite diss, offered the names of hangouts Supa thought he might enjoy, and the whole interaction de-escalated itself with no further questioning, harrassment, bruised egos, curse words, police reports, etc. Lovely.

Not always the case. Here are samples of polite disses I've accumulated over the years, and the responses given when a brotha just doesn't take the hint:

Polite Diss #1: I'm married/engaged/got a man.
Retort: So? I'm married/engaged/got a woman, too. Can't we be friends? or I don't care, I can be your side man...

Polite Diss #2: I'm only into girls.
Retort: Oohh shit. How can I be down? or You into girls? Me too!

Polite Diss #3: I just found out I'm pregnant. With twins.
Retort: So? I'll take care of you and yo' kids.

Polite Diss #4: I'm single and have six kids and don't really have time to date.
Retort: So? I can come over and get to know you after you put them kids to bed.

Polite Diss#5: I had a bad experience, and I don't fuck around with gangstas/thugs/ballers/players/Belizeans/rappers/industry cats/(insert whatever dude looks like he might be here)
Retort: I'm not like any of them other cats you fucked around with.

Polite Diss#6: I'm on my way to prison in a few weeks, and I'm using this time to get my business in order.
Retort: Word? Well, where you gonna be on lock? A n*gga can write you....

Polite Diss#7: I'm on parole for bustin' four caps in my last man's chest.
Retort: Yeah, I like you gangsta broads!

Polite Diss#8: My therapist doesn't think I'm ready for a new relationship. She upped my meds while I'm trying to deal with my issues with men.
Retort: That's why you need a brotha like me..

Polite Diss#9: I just got my orders and I'm on my way to Iraq.
Retort: So, we should really hook up before you go..

Polite Diss#10: I'm celibate.
Retort: Word? I can help you with that.. or You celibate? How much you sell it for?

One time, Supa unfurled damn near her entire repertoire, while involved in a hilarous back-and-forth game of "polite disses and retorts" with a brotha who matched her silliness and twisted sense of humor.

See. Who said gettin' dissed can't be fun....