Friday, March 10, 2006

It's a Wonderful Life at the Supa Pad!

Let it be known, Supa (aka "Ms. Mom") and the RR’s enjoy a pretty chill home life. The Supa Pad is filled with love, joy, security, an energetic yet peaceful vibe, good music (& books & movies), lovingly administered discipline & supervision, and loads and loads of silliness. (Supa still plays hide n go seek with her spawn).

Yet, Supa has begun to notice there are distinct times and circumstances when the mellow flow of the Supa Pad is disrupted, which usually involves Supa/Ms. Mom flipping her lid over some seemingly mundane event, then proceeding to nut the fuck up. These events usually include, but are not limited to anything concerning:

Batteries: For some reason, there’s always a battery shortage at the Supa Pad. No matter how many packs I steal from work or purchase at Target, them joints is always coming up short. Which inevitably leads one of the spawn to gank the batteries out of Supa’s TV remote to stick in their Gameboy or CD walkman or electronic diary or some bullshit toy somebody got from GameStop, which leads to Supa's ass being left hanging whenever she reaches for something and naively expects it to work. So, like, when Supa settles in to take a nice steaming hot lavendar bath, Supa ‘aint got shit to listen to ‘cause one of the RR’s has made an unauthorized battery removal from her portable shower radio, and thus, all quantifiable hell breaks loose. ‘Cause that shit makes Supa absolutely livid.


Dirty TiVo practices: Ya’ll know I loves my TiVo. I take great pains to organize my movies and shows and documentaries for any given week, and look forward to settling in to catch up on the recordings when time allows. When I sit down with my curry chicken 'n rice meal, with my V Squared (Vitamin Water and Vodka mixed, new drink, ya’ll) to discover that my new Monk episode has been canceled and overriden by an episode of That’s So Raven, or that Best Week Ever’s priority has been subjugated by a godawful episode of the the Andy Milanokis Show – somebody has gots to pay. And since neither one of the RR’s want to drop a dime on the other and/or wanna play the dumb role, they both get equally jammed up.

Misplaced Electronica: Let’s see….there are no less than nine remotes in the Supa Pad which control tv’s, vcr’s, dvd’s, The Dishnetwork satellite, cd players, boom boxes, and a few of the light switches. Three cellphones which each have their own charger, then there’s Supa’s palm pilot charger, laptop charger, the RR’s X-box and PSP chargers, (spoiled asses), headphones, ear buds, Blue Tooth’s (hey P), etc., etc., etc. Suffice it to say, somebody is always misplacing SOMETHING. Somehow, the living room dvd remote will wind up in the upstairs bathroom trash can. Somehow the Dish network remote ends up beneath a Ruff Ryder’s bed. One time – I swear – the tv remote wound up in the freezer. Still haven’t figured that one out.

Designated Food and Drink: This is a very sensitive topic in the Supa Pad. Very sensitive topic. Since Supa came from a generation who grew up on food stamps, county cheese, Brand X cereal, Jewel T and other modes of substandard bargain basement grocery shopping, she promised herself that once grown and able, she’d buy the kind of goodies she could never have consistently as a shorty. Lucky Charms, Heinz Ketchup, Tropicana Orange Juice, Perrier, brand name shit like that. Supa makes sure to buy the RR’s their own little stash(es), so the boundaries are clearly established. When the stuff goes into the fridge on grocery day, Supa “claims” it in front of them, so they know good and well what’s off limits, and can’t come popping off with that “I didn’t know” at a later date. Well. Supa doesn’t know how many times she’s had to bust into a RR’s room at some ungodly hour demanding to know “who ate all her damn Fruit Loops,” or coaxing out a confession as to who drank the very last of the Grapefruit Kiwi Hansen Natural sodas. Supa has now been reduced to making “don’t touch it, it’s mine” labels on her designated food and drink. Last week, the Lawry’s Season Salt came up missing, and Supa was forced to go out and purchase a new bottle right then in order to enjoy her microwave popcorn in the proper fashion. 'Cause that 99cent store season salt 'aint worth a damn.


Smart-assedness, Back talk, & Foul Language: Not by them, by me. But rest assured, I didn’t start cursing at, or around my kids until they were old enough to do something curse-worthy – so if I remember, they had to be about six, seven months old, at least. Ha ha. No. But really….Supa won’t lie to ya, she does not refrain from the casual “sheeeiiit” or “oh hell no” or “dammit” around the house. When Supa is ranting around the household due to unfinished chores or homework, The Boy will say very calmly say: “Mom, there’s really no need for profanity,” to which I will reply with a “Who you think you talkin' to?Go clean your room, dammit!” There was one notable occasion where The Boy asked if he could purchase a certain cd, and I told him yes, but only if he got the edited version, on account of there being too much profanity on the record. He then looked at me said, (deadpan): “I don’t see what the big deal is, I’ve already been exposed to all that bad language at home…” At that, I had to laugh. And then I replied – “Don’t be a smartass, dear. Now go clean your gotdamn room!”

Other areas of contention include: Missing forks, spoons, and other utensils, unauthorized stockpiling of toilet paper, kids answering the phone without permission, off-limits areas on the couch (I ALWAYS get the left corner of the sectional. Always.), and fighting over who gets to spend quality time with the family pet.

Ahhh, but it's all good in the 'hood: "motherHOOD"...It's a wonderful life!

Happy Fucking Friday!!

22 comments:

Cocoa Girl said...

OMGosh...so F#CKING hilarious.

Sorry, for contributing to a problem, but it was...

:-)

I'm trying to think of a pet peeve to add...hmm, I can't think of one. I've lived alone for the past decade. LOL

Happy Friday!!

Supa said...

Cocoa - I didn't realize until I got married then had kids, that I was a LONER, and don't particularly care for people up in my space 24/7! :) It was a BIG adjustment. lol

Luckily THE BOY is pretty much a loner himself.

THE GIRL - another story entirely. She'd be my siamese twin if she could...

Knockout Zed said...

Why you need so many batteries?
*I had ta ask*

Knockout Zed: Fresh since 1970

KZ

P.S. Nice Claudine pic by the way.

Supa said...

Zeddie: Only YOU!!

U stoopid.

DPM said...

Mommy Supa:

You sound fun.

(BTW you drink milk with your cereal?)

Supa said...

Lactaid, baby. Lactaid!!

Single Ma said...

I have to shamefully admit that I was wondering the same thing as zed. I hate it when we run outta batteries, but it's for different reasons than you mentioned in your post. LOL

The Supa Family seems like they're a lot of fun...well, when mama dukes aint cussin.

Brave Lurker said...

Oh my God! This is such a funny post. I have the same rules about food w/my hubby and yet he still doesn't respect the food rules. So now I act a crazy foolish mess if I see that my gourmet sodas (Hansen's are the bomb, esp. the Cherry Vanilla) or sodas are gone. He's not there yet but learning.

Happy Friday BTW!

Brave Lurker said...

oops . . . meant snacks.

Miss Ahmad said...

ooh Supa you remind me of my mother that would keep her Hansens under the bed because she's not much of a sharer...and my dad has a bad habit of eating and drinking everyone else's food!

oh the joys of motherhood. one day i'm gonna get me some brown babies:-)

African girl, American world said...

Jamal I'm laughing so damn hard!!!! Lawry's salt bwa ha ha ha!! I know gurl....a meal you've set your heart on just ain't the same without the missing ingredient.
LOL @ all the why so many batteries questions he he he
And all I saw was Eve asking who drank my apple juice when I read who ate my fruit loops!
You single handedly showed me my future gurl :)
March 12th, noted and planned :)

Supa said...

Note to Blogger Fam: Supa does not need batteries for some alluded to sexual toy/object! Supa prefers the REAL THING...

Now get your mind out the gutters! heh heh heh.

Supa said...

thanks Mwabi! :)

Supa said...

@ Brave: I like the Cherry Vanilla, too!

@ Ms. Ahmad: Sis, your mom sounds like my kinda momma! :)

@ SingleMa- "ma dukes" that's funny.

Ms. Nomo said...

Girl, I know eactly what you mean. I only have one spawn. But coupled with my mother when she comes over,complete comedy. I have lived everything you mentioned. How the hell does silverware just up and walk away? I have yet to figure that one out, but been there done that one too. I have even left the two of them at home while I was at work and came home to find very large bleach stains on my carpet. You woul think it had been tye-dyed. But, we just have to take deep breaths and say to ourselves "aint'that a bitch,I can't keep a dime(due to constantly replacing or fixing thangs)as long as my ass stays pointed towards the ground!" Keep the laughs comin'.
Love Ya!

Cocoa Girl said...

Nice catch with the batteries question, Zed!

That Girl Tam said...

LMAO @ this post...do you know I just realized that in the two years I've been living in my pad, I've NEVER EVER EVER been here ALONE!! I grew up an only child and I'm a GIRL...TOO MANY DICKS IN MY HOUSE!!! I need my ALONE TIME!

Tired of reminding folks to put the toilet seat down (Yay for Ryan btw, who's been doin his thang STANDING UP - finally - for the past 3 weeks). TIRED - and I do mean TY-RED of telling folks to stop opening shit in my cupboards JUST BECAUSE IT'S IN THERE! (that would be Justin a'hem) Tired of full trashcans...cuz I will clean the entire house...but I don't do trash. 2 people are capable of takin out the bathroom trash (because they're lookin at the pile while they're takin a piss) - and it'll sit there for DAYS til I say something...that shit makes me sick!

Yeah, I'm learning to curb the language thing too...it's hard NOT TO LAUGH when Ryan says stuff like, "Mommy, what the HELL is that?" or when I hear him playing with his power rangers talkin bout, "I'm gonna WHOOP YO' ASS!" (shakin my head...BAD mommy! BAD mommy!!)

OH OH...btw, I copped a perspective client (one of your readers!) Good lookin out for all the praise! Thanks for keepin a sista busy!

being mama daily said...

Girl THIS is the funniest "ish" I have ever read! I thought my kids were the only ones not allowed to answer the phone unless given express permission. And if I EVER come home to find my Grey's Anatomy not on the TiVo, small people will be towed away.

BTW, do all kids watch Nickelodeon exclusively?!

Sangindiva said...

Girl this shit was funny as hell!!!
I thought I was the only one who had an occasional
*nut the fuck up* moment or 3... hahaha!
You are a gas girl!!!

Me said...

you are too funny

P said...

I can't get past that claudine picture! Where did you dig that one out of!?!

Free said...

I have to keep up on my blog reading. Girl, I just met the RRs. Now, send #1 on over to fix this template problem I'm having & leave #2 alone cause you know she's in training for Queen of the Universe. (You r a Supa Ma!)