Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Romance, Reality, and the Importance of A Sandwich

So yesterday, a cool co-worker who’s also a writer (not Robert H!) mentioned that he’d just returned from a week’s vacation in Ensenada. So Supa Sister went about in her usual nosey way and asked him if the trip was a romantic type deal, or simply a chill-and-hang-out with-the-fellas thing…and please don’t ask me why, but that simple-ass inquiry spun off into an in-depth conversation/debate on romance and relationships and unrealistic expectations and played-out gender roles and the nature of men and women and the issues and scenarios that often keep us from connecting on an authentic, genuine, and human level.

And Jesus F. Christ, Supa Sista wasn’t really trying to get into all that, okay? I'm more interested in trying to figure out who The Carver is on Nip/Tuck. Besides, talking about relationships makes my head hurt, and that’s my girl Jude’s specialty, not mine…But it turned out to be an enjoyable, perspective-swapping, funny-ass conversation with a delightful and witty brotha, and truth be told, we fucked off the rest of the afternoon on company time by entertaining ourselves with our insightful email banter. Heh.

And now...Supa Sister remembers what kinda jump started the whole conversation. I was testing his rile factor by purporting that Supa Sister had indeed already figured out what men really want. And that is: They want a woman to give him some good head, play with his balls, and then go fix him a sandwich. That’s it.

Hey. That’s what Dave Chapelle said.

So my cool co-worker went on to say that statement wasn’t ‘necessarily’ true, and how we as women tend to make even the simplest thing complicated, how we complain and seem to thrive on unnecessary drama (at least that’s what Chris Rock said), and then I conceded that maybe yes women have unique ways of verbally expressing themselves and some of us can be downright nags, but ya’ll shouldn’t be so sensitive and make it seem like we're trying to slice your balls off simply because we ask you to please take out the trash. For the fiftieth time. Heh.

And then he busted out with a very interesting analogy, that went something like: imagine women being like the gifted children in the class and men being like the slow ones, and that you can’t expect the slow kids to speed up to the gifted kids’ levels, and the gifted kids need to take the time to help out their slower brethren, and when they do so, they need to talk using small words and speak very slowly. Or...something like that. And I think (?) he was kind of saying that we chicks have to have a little more patience and understanding, realize that men and women speak a different “language”, and that with good enough game, we can more or less bring a brotha up to speed with without beating him down with the stupid stick.

In other words…. Just give him some good head, play with his balls, and then go fix him a sandwich.


Ally said...

I have to completely agree with you on this. That is all men really want, nothing more and certainly nothing less.

Supa said...

Yep. I knew it.

Ja said...

And another thing....they should all carry around a business card that they should be force to read aloud that states:

Most likely they (males) didn't get it. DAYUM I don't feel like making a sandwich. Damn Gina!


Supa said...


I'm so fucking retarded.

I get it! I get it! What's my prize? Do I still have to make a sandwich???

Skinnyman said...

As a (for the most part) positive Black man, I'm offended that you think this is all we want for women. It's just not true! Okay yeah, we DO want that stuff (especially the good head and the juggling the balls), but we want a lot more than that, too. Like, could you bring me a beer along with that sandwich? Or better yet, how about some fried chicken and a phat blunt?

Anonymous said...

it depends......on what stage the male lead is on.
in case u didn't know there are three stages in every man's
life. during the first and initial stage....the sandwich is or (slammich)as i like to say is devoured so quickly ....very little time is taken
to know what was eaten.... bologna/ham/salami/turkey....
we don't know. we just want our appetites curbed...until
we want another sandwich (slammich). during this stage a man can eat a whole lot of sandwiches. there's no time to savor....just wolfing it down....HOWLLLLLLLLLLL!

stage 2, it is at this time that men become more selective in
their sandwiches. though they often times have stage 1 flashbacks.
this is when the proper spreads and toppings are selected to
go with rye, wheat, sourdough or squaw bread varieties. more
explorations of flavored cheeses and various peppers are also
added. it is usually during this time that the most desired or
sought after sandwich is found. when a man generally finds the
sandwich he most enjoys.

(noted: there are no specific time patterns as to when stage
1 is exited to stage 2 or stage 3. men vary in development
of their sandwich eating likes and dislikes. growth is generally slowest from stage 1 to stage 2. with addictive setbacks causing some to fall back into stage 1 patterns when the deli of their liking is closed
for various times throughout the year.)

stage 3, it is usually at this time that a simpler less complex
sandwich is sought. after losing half their toppings in a violent
windstorm named divorce. sandwiches are sought that easy to
make and easy on the proverbial billfold. if by some miracle the
windstorm is avoided, the leading man is usually content to have
the same sandwich over and over again. provided that extra toppings
are given during monthly specials at the deli.
it is also at this time that a lot of the bite once had to enjoy a nice
meaty sandwiched with a salad on the nice (freshly tossed of course)can't be enjoyed as often. peanut butter and jelly will do.

so the question for all u sandwich makers concerns not the sandwich so much as what stage and scene is the male lead on at this time.