Disorderly Conduct : Update Supa ‘08

“I’m right on the edge…I don’t know what comes next.”
~ Steve, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

So, since the whole global financial market collapsed and we have a black President-Elect and OJ got sent upstate and Bush had a pair of Iraqi Buster Browns thrown at him, Supa decided to take a pause from this free-fall outta civilization and reflect on some of her personal shit. Yes!

Okay. So, according to her latest attempt at some form of fleeting dysfunctional female-to-male human bonding (a summer romance), Supa has now been dubiously labeled as a (wait for it) Disaster on Heels. Knowing full well that she falls neatly into the Beautiful Mess category, but whatever - he does acknowledge my stiletto game proper. And fuck him. Supa does not take personality flaw advice from a man with four children and an ex-wife and a sorta kinda current live-in girlfriend from Belarus. (all that spillage of seed and spawn is just disgusting.) And the whole thing only started because Supa hemmed him up in an elevator during lunch time and dared him to show her his thing. Because she’d done a whole year of the healthy, self-imposed celibacy thing and figured the jig might as well be up. Right then.

And molestation of a grown male, is like, a victimless crime.

Yes. Real sloppy start; granted. Even for me.

But it was radiant and ninety-eight degrees in LaLa land, the earth moved and birds sang and I began reading Anais Nin; he was exotic and new and forbidden and there, and I was freshly bikini waxed in a slinky summer dress, slingbacks and a thong, flossing a new Arabic tattoo; and forgive me for feeling ultimately fucking sexy. And thus he growled the words which propelled our short lived, shifty romance into full throttle: (He: “Damn, I must be some kind of lucky bastard,” when Supa accidently spilled the secrets in her bra). And off we went, sprinting toward the No, I’m Way More Fucked Up Than YOU finish line. Good times.

What can I say? It was summertime. My hormones were later proven to be unbalanced. He was cute. I was bored, on the prowl, inspired, determined to solidify my MILF status, who knows. I let him read (gasp!) some fresh writing material. He sat me down and tried to convince me why I was brilliant. (beware, the treachery of vanity.) We philosophized about everything from nihilism to Nietzsche. We each felt up the other in inappropriate, public places. Like the Mickey to my Mallory, we were wild and unstoppable. We were vibing so hard and yet he was so curiously/deliciously hesitant to join me in this sink-or-swim, emotional equivalent to chicken - which got Supa really excited. Or real determined.

Push/pull/back/forth/yin/yang/estrogen/testosterone. When the raw biological intensity reached its fever pitch, Supa allegedly trumped him by declaring, “Why can’t you just be my willing lover until I find out who I really want to be with, I mean, is that so WRONG?” (Supa, while violently reaching for his crotch) He then literally, how we say in this crumbling contemporary society - punked out.

Falling on his knees (as if I priestess and he confessor), he then tragically explained how he was a just momma’s boy (he’s 41 years old), and no good at these games with Alpha Females, he always loses (what the hell), how he had apparently bitten off more than he could now chew, and that my presence was pressing so hard (pun intended) against his existence that he didn’t like the constant horny disorganized state in which it left him.

The Got Me on My Knees Layla shtick. How original.

So since Supa was all good and heated and had the female equivalent of, how you say, Blue Balls..she stared blankly at fool, then immediately poked out her bottom lip, gathered her toys, and told him to not call her when he was ready to come outside and play.

What mutherfucka, what.

And here’s the kicker. We never actually consummated. Just engaged in a bunch of impulsive, drawn out, erotic and entirely senseless suckling and fondling, necking and petting. Which turns out to be the converse polar opposite of getting laid; when you’re coming off some kind of healthy, self-imposed year of celibacy type thing.

And don’t worry, we agreed his punishment was that I was allowed to blog about it all, as long as I didn’t reveal a solid timeline or drop hints about our haunts. Or call him a dramatic cunt. He goes by codename: The Culprit.

I left him with a bit of sage advice: Dude. Don’t ever finger fuck a poet’s feelings. Stroke them well, or you become fodder.

I told you I was trouble/you know, I'm no good.... Amy Wino

So now.

I scribble and lounge in my loft after-hours; the constant companions at my side (incense, books, quotes, pooch, wine) and the incessant pondering begins. #1: Fuck him. Right? Besides, I think I kinda might be in love with somebody else, anyway. Maybe. #2. I’ve gotta get a treadmill. #3. Shall I read the Bible or watch the rest of Bad Girls Club? #4. What am I gonna wear to work tomorrow? #5. What is an Alpha Female, exactly? #6. And shouldn’t that make one more eligible for successful pairing with an Alpha Male? #7. What is an Alpha Male, exactly? #8. How the fuck can 1,000 new life forms just miraculously appear off the Mekong Delta? A hot-pink cyanide-producing millipede? Shit don’t even sound right. #9. Ralph Waldo Emerson was a helluva quote-ist. A quoteartistan. New word. #10. How does Tyler Durden make Number One on the 100 Greatest Movie Characters of All Time list? Ahead of Hannibal Lector and The Heath Joker? Get the fuck outta here. I do not accept. #11. Fire off series of furious text messages to Writing Crew degenerates, in sudden desperate need to accurately re-work list. #11. Did I feed my kids? #12. Am I an uptight bohemian? #13. Hippie? #14. I need to call Tia. #15. I think I was born in the wrong century, geographical area, and/or solar system. #16. Is there a way to stop myself from having impure thoughts about Obama? #17. Is Sarah Silverman actually Supa’s alter-ego’s alter-ego? #18. Dear Lauyrn Hill: Are you ever coming back? Please let me know. #19. Is this one of those nights when my therapist means “don’t ever hesitate to call, no matter what time?” #20. I’m a grown woman, and I should be able to control the thoughts going on inside my own head….(repeat Cage’s obsessive-compulsive rant from Matchstick Men)

#21…

Okay. I will release you from the insanity which goes on inside my brain now….

“Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air…” ~RWE

Sigh. Well, at the very least, one could say at the moment:

Looks like Supa’s got her swagga back.

(Karen: Chile, look at me. Actin' UP)

…to be continued….

Don't Sleep...

"People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people."
~ V for Vendetta

(also, V for VOTE)

Gemini Wishes....

Much love and light to you, Blogger Fam. Supa is doing better and feeling better. Endless thanks to all of you, for the emails, thoughts, and words of encouragement.


Meanwhile: Start Snitching.

The (Hella Late) Oh?Eight! ('08) Update

Nombre: SupA SiSter

Age: 266 (dog years)

Current Moniker: The Brown Recluse

Alter Egos:Black Mamba, Jen Yu, Wonder Woman, Marla Singer, Celie,

Self Description: Impatient. Moody. Compassionate. Uselessly psychic. Skittish. Fickle. Sensitive. Smart Assy. Random. Selfish. Giving. Unpredictable. Charming. Anti-social. Vengeful. Sarcastic. Neat. Sappy. Loner. Sick, dark, dry sense of humor. High sass factor. Possessing varying degrees of psychological and emotional issues. Kinda cute. Intolerable.

Current Occupation: Woman Of Leisure.
(translation: Unemployed. Disabled. Retired. Whatever the check says.)

Current Relationship Status: Voluntarily celibate. Blooming infatuation with low doses of Xanax. Unethical crush on son’s therapist. Increased obsession with Clive Owen since watching “Shoot ‘Em Up.”

Current Addictions: Television. Nag champa incense. Yellow Tail Pinot Grigio. Having full fledged conversations with pet. Laziness. Writing Hate Mail. Pellegrino. Knock-knock jokes. Turkey Pepperoni. Frightening self-analysis. Legal Pills. Texting.

Current Repulsions: Sex. George Bush. Nervous breakdowns. Working. Weddings. Lengthy phone conversations. The grocery store. The criminal justice system. Email. War. Hannah Montana. Funerals. Drama. Blood pressure pills.

Current Skills: Power lounging. Excellent TiVo organization and show conflict resolution. Remembering to feed my children. Reading obsessively. Naps. Flawless Borat impersonations. My famous turkey lasagna. Never checking the mail.

Current Hobbies: Ordering take-out. Spying on neighbors. Wondering when hip-hop will just die. Painting. Writing movie quotes on walls and mirrors. Window shopping at Big Lots. Pretending not to speak English when bothered in public.Re-watching favorite movies obsessively: (Collateral, Heat, The Hours, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Memento, Good Will Hunting, Brown Sugar; Breakfast at Tiffany's, Ghost Dog, Little Miss Sunshine, the usual shit...)

Current Bad Habits: Cursing. Mumbling. Vodka. Rambling. Always misplacing the remote. Obsessive movie watching. (see above) Looking up everything imaginable on Wikipedia. Not playing well with others. Perfectionism. Repeating myself. Talking to Myself. Repeating myself. OCD.

Favorite Words: Tomfoolery. Fisticuffs. Quagmire. Gruesome. Malfeasance. Hooliganism. Audacity. Fuck.

Favorite Random Responses:1) Escobar season has returned. 2) It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. 3) Bitch. ..you don't have a future. 4) Gosh.

Last Year’s Highlights: Starting own business. Meeting some interesting folks. Slapping a guy in a bar who deserved it after a round of tequila shots. Birthday in Jamaica. That’s….about it.

Last Year’s Lowlights: The last guy I had sex with. My broken Ipod. Appropriate accusations of becoming a recluse. Lil' sister's murder trial. Then...Justin. Falling off my blog game.

2008 Goals: Write more letters. Stop trying to figure it all out, man. (in this lifetime). Apologize more. Put up with bull-shit less. Check my email. Start dating..and not just the brothas. Attempt to answer phone and keep disappearing acts to a reasonable minimum. Learn Portuguese. Write something that's important to me. Take up photography. Appreciate even the tiniest things. Pay my taxes.

Vacation Auto-Response...

Supa is back stateside...but her mind and spirit are still loungin' in Jamaica, mon.
(Sipping rum punches!!)

Me and My Partner in Crime (Sigz)
PS: I WON THE TAN CONTEST!

Resort Life!

P.S. - Soprano's finale hate? Anyone? Anyone?

Checklist....and Countdown!

Let's see....Been neglecting blog lately? Check. Miss cyber-hangin' with all my blogger friends and fam? Check. Cut self a lil' slack, 'cause life happens. Check!
Make amends upon return...check. Ready to relax and get rowdy on Carribean isle to celebrate upcoming earthday? CHECK. (don't ask how old I'll be - I'm a '69er so do the math!) Passport, laptop, bikini gear, Ipod, tanning oil, good book (& overstuffed suitcase)....check check check!!!

What's. up. Blogger. Fam! Life's been a movin' and ya girl has been busy trying to flow right along with it! And in less than 10 hours, Supa will render herself dumb, refuse to obsess on whether she tured off the iron or not, and gratefully plop her azz in that airline coach seat headed non-stop to Montego Bay. Yeah mon. I'll throw back a couple of Rum Punches for ya, while hoping all is beautiful in your lovely worlds!

So if I didn't get in all my last minute phone calls, I'll holla when I return. Mwabi, can't wait to see you when you hit the west side! Tia, don't get married while I'm gone...Cinq & Caprice, check your voicemails. Tammy Tam, relax and do you! Bloggin Hotties ~ we gotta hook up! Writing Crew ~ we need to, too. Skinnyman, I love a story full of advantages...And S.Simone - I'm gonna win the tanning competition. I still love you, though! Ha!

Wish me happy birthday come Thursday (Gemini's rule!) Soprano's finale tonight!! What's it gonna be?? Oh,the drama!

Peace, ya'll!

P.S.- Saw Ocean's 13 with the RR's Friday nite, thought it was complete garbage.

Holy Shit, Man...

Dude. The Soprano's...Oh, Christophur!

As RR#2 would say - OMG!

I must say, it's almost disturbing how much emotional investment I have in this motley crew of totally fictional muthafuckas...but the writing, acting, and production on this series is phenomenal. These sociopaths are my guilty viewing pleasure.

Only 3 episodes left..So what's gonna happen to Tony Soprano?? (hit up the new poll!)

Floating Forward...

What's happening, Blogger Fam! How you be, how's life treatin' ya, and what's good?!! (tell me, I really wanna know!)

Meanwhile Supa is over here, holding down her little spot on the planet, a lil' overwhelmed as of late, always hustlin', steady daydreaming, forever grateful. I have been so lame on my blog posts and reading, Ize feels like I dont know ya'lls anymore! (insert Sophia voice from Color Purple) I'm way behind on email and phone call returns too, so if you wanna cuss me out, there's a bit of a line. lol (Cocoa Girl, Cinque, Jude)

But trust, I haven't been slacking..running The Lounge keeps a sista pretty busy (happily busy, but BUSY)...I mean, I kinda knew starting your own business venture was a time-consuming deal, but one never knows just how much until she's IN it, right? But it's alllll good. Tia helped hook up The Body Lounge website and we got the Myspace page going, and I even started the lounge blog, along with planning our next big marketing push, all on top of holding down the Supa Pad and the RR's, pondering on going back to school this month and trying to get to JAMAICA next month...balancing social life, "me" time, a new honey(sneaky smile), and everyday existence....AND still trying keep up with the latest Soprano's episode (whew), so alla that should serve as quantifiable proof I 'aint been sittin' on my azz..Damn. I'd like a nap, please!!! (Tia, I don't know how you do it...AND stay sane)

(side note: Please add The Lounge as a friend in your Myspace, I swear that page is lookin' kinda lonely...)

So summer is knocking and I'm feeling the itch - the urge to slip on that summer dress, walk around pedicured and barefoot, sip homemade lemonade, lay around in the hammock & work on my tan, cocktail in the big city until all hours of the hot night...

..but damn. It's only the beginning of May...and plenty of work to be done until I can play. And this last month has been an adjustment period of sorts...life after the trial still feels strange indeed. The new normal...*sigh* Strange, indeed...more on this lata.

At any rate - shout out to blogger Bunny who sent me the nicest encouragement card in the mail after the trial, and to Christine who is the first to make a Body Lounge order via the web - yay! Who says these internets can't bring positive things and people together? Pffft.

Supa, signing out, and still floating forward...

Much love ya'll. And tell me, what are your summer plans? Might need some good ideas :)

and happy belated birthday Tam and Mwabs!!

So Much News, Such Little Time To Blog...

But let's start with this...

"Calm down white people, stop going crazy over Don Imus,
ya'll are still in control." -Spike Lee

Don't know about ya'll, but I always thought this fool was suspect. Didn't even have to listen to his shows to know he was an old-school bigot. Straight up vintage. Shit don't bother me. Personally, Supa likes to know her deep-seated sexist/racists right up front, no beating around the Bush. Meanwhile, it's kinda interesting how hip-hop got pulled up into this Imus mix....might be apples and oranges, but I do know that when folks demean and denigrate their own (*cough cough* present day rappers *cough cough*) then everybody feels like they can do the same. And in the eloquent and succinct style of this dude:

That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Supa: Checkin' In..

What be the haps, Blogger Fam? Hope all is well in your worlds! Sincere thanks all for the messages and comments and concern and well wishes...

Supa's been good. Just taking it slow. Relaxing, regrouping, re-adjusting...didn't do Jamaica (yet), but took a mini-sabattical to the Palm Springs desert for a few (hence the cornrowed 'do!) ; enjoyed lazy life in the sun, thankful for the breather and change of scene; for some time to think, be still, reflect, smile, cry, laugh, get a lil' tipsy, and be thankful some more. (special bonus being, having a promising new fella at my side, who's been doing a damn good job of making me smile and honoring my tears....hmmm....) *smile*

Business at The Lounge is good, just been taking it one day at a time, cherishing the little things, keeping a tender hold on this thing called life. Been journaling like a madwoman, and an old/new manuscript is definitely in the mix. More on all this later. Meanwhile, keep livin', loving, and do what makes you healthy and happy. Ya girl is strivin' to do the same...

Much love always!! ~Supa

Barack in Los Angeles...

And yep, Supa was there screaming at the rally like it was circa 1987 at an LL Cool J concert.
GO BARACK!

And The Supa Saga..continues

And so it is, in this big beautiful thing called life: Things come together, things fall apart. Supa is once again at a point in her life where there is both celebration and mourning; where she is very much reaching toward the future and yet stuck in the past, where memories and magic intertwine, dance, collide...

But let's begin at the beginning. Ya'll have most def been there with/for me during the high times and zany moments, like this and this and this and this and this; and ya'll have also seen me through the valleys and more challenging times like this...and this...and this and this. Man, it's been a helluva ride, yes?

Well Blogger Fam, it 'aint over..

So check it. This the part where I tell you what your girl has been up to, during all this sporadic blog posting and shyt. Looong story short - when I took a leave from the Corporate Slave Ship (C.S.S.) last summer, it was because I just needed to grieve, work some shit out within myself and figure out what I really (as in really) wanted to do with the rest of my life. Don't misunderstand,my office gig was hella cool, a sista was the golden child up in that piece, I could get away with being spoiled and a bit lazy. Problem was - I wasn't passionate about the work I was doing. From jump it had always been "a job," which for years and years served it's purpose, helped maintain a comfortable family lifestyle, you know the drill. I always knew I wasn't the forever and ever square gig kind of chick, but yo, those years can sneak up on you before you can plot your escape. I looked up one day and realized I was sleepwalking. Caught up in the Matrix, big time. Loved my co-workers to death, but the work itself was just bland, uninspiring, and unchallenging, and uncreative as fuck.

I'd gotten caught in the routine: Get up, drag self to work, deal with corporate life and assholes, take long unauthorized lunches, come back to my office, shop online and blog, watch the clock, go home, manage kids and home life, be a grouch, go to sleep. This tired cycle probably contributed to why I couldn't ever seem to get my ass up and to work on time. Ha. In a nutshell - paper pushing and a cushy salary were starting to cost me too much. Emotionally, spiritually, creatively. I was doing something I promised myself I'd never do. Go to sleep on my life.

So, I got some devastating, life-altering wake-up jolts during my sleepwalking years: divorce, the death of my mom, the murder of my sis, the sudden death of a dear sisterfriend, on top of the emotional energy distributed during wifedom and motherhood, etc. etc., let's just say I graduated to an epic what-the-hell-am-I-doing-in-my-life type crisis - and that's when I finally said - Fuck It. I gotta unplug. Bout to toss all these balls I've been juggling in my life, let 'em fall, then I'll decide which ones I'm gonna pick back up. I'm about to figure out how to create a life that makes me happy to get up in the morning. And that was the beginning of an unsure, scary, exciting, and very necessary journey..

Oh. My bad. This was supposed to be long story short...

SO, during my time off, I traveled a bit, enjoyed myself and my kids and just being in my own flow, dropped some folks, reconnected with some folks, spent a considerable amount of time writing and journaling, got another tattoo, took up Tai Chi, finally went to school for something I've always wanted to do, enrolled an accelerated program to become a certified massage therapist with a specialization in Sports Therapy... graduated in the top of my class, realized that not only did I enjoy it immensely but I was also GOOD at it...(and an extra perk is that doing bodywork actually helps me with my writing...I'm more grounded..more energy flowing..or something. Who knew?!)

AND...around the same time, a friend of mine hipped me to a cute little space in the Black Greenwich Village aka Leimert Park in Los Angeles, it was the perfect spot (great location, great lease) to create this new vision of mine - I'd always always wanted to open a Tea Lounge (think Starbucks, but a lil' cozier. and with teas from all over the world...) So. (For real now.) Long story short, is that I've opened my own business called The Body Lounge. (yes!) Which has allowed me to "marry" a few of my passions - body products (I'm a product fanatic), herbal and exotic teas (there is a lounge on-site) and bodywork (massage, reflexology, all that good stuff) SO! The last few months have been me finishing school, getting my licenses, renovating my space, all the start-up stuff (furnishings, equipments, marketing, products, teas, etc), and....I opened doors up a few weeks ago. See?

the exotic tea lounge...where u get your lounge on. good vibes, man!

"Jump, and the net will appear"
"There is the risk you cannot afford to take -and there is the risk you can't affort not to take. "

More on this later. Here's some more pics (yahoo photos was trippin, click on The Body Lounge set in Flickr) if you want to take a look. Yay!! And the West Coast Bloggin' Hotties (Glam, Sangin' Diva, That Girl Tam, and Pattyopolis) will be rollin' thru for a lil' reunion real soon! We might give ya'll some pics. Maybe :) But I gotta shout out all my peeps who supported and believed in me from the scary beginning (ya'll sayin' I should start my own business, what is you crazy?!?!) to the wonderful result, and especially much props to anyone who came over and helped me renovate. And paint!! Auntie, Tony, Demitri, Tonya, Shonnie Mack, Kwesi, Terry, Jessie, K. Bilal, Sylvia, Ruff Ryders #1 and #2, there's more...but much love to my fam and peeps who gave me the emotional support & cheerleading as well. Not those ones who said..leaving your job?, ooohh, aren't you scared, do you know what you're doing, I don't know about alla that... But the ones who said hell yeah, plan your work and work your plan, what do you need and how can I help! Ya'll are fucking priceless. (And yo, Dave: I don't do 3,000 mile outcalls, sorry babe. Gotta find you a therapist more local! Try Brooklyn..)

"..damn it feels good to be alive/no matter what we've survived/no matter what, we still survive"

And then...(sigh) Got word last week that my lil' sis' murder trial is starting. Yep. After all the false starts and continuances over the last year and a half - it appears that it's really about to go down. Jury selection begins next week, trial set to start March 5th. Needless to say, it's the day the family has waited for - and I've had so much anxiety, waves of overwhelming sadness, fear, anger, etc. since I got the word. It's a trip. While I was speaking with the Supa-Ex the otha night, he did his best to assure me: we'll get through this...think of those who never get a trial for their loved ones...we knows what he did, he knows what he did..

And all I could think of was: When I step myself in that courtroom..that means..she's really dead. Funny how the mind works. I don't think I ever really believed she was gone - even at her funeral. That's some strange, trippy shit.

So, that's it Blogger Fam!

New business, new path in life, blessings, and a murder trial.

"After chaos, we get clarity..."


It's all a wonderful tragedy. I'm grateful for it all. Guess the lowest lows allow me to feel, and truly appreciate, the highest highs - and all the beautiful simple things in between.

Peace and love, and I hope all is wonderful in your worlds! I told ya I'd let you know what a sistas been up to - and it's all here! Holla atcha girl!

Much love,

Supa.
(striving to stay Spiritual.Unstoppable.Passionate.Authentic.)