The Day After

"this right here is some bullshit...."

~muttered by Supa, 7/29/08, 11:43 a.m.

So, yeah, Supa really was going to blog before all this went down. On account of she was truly giddy; straight slap happy after peeping a real movie last week - The Dark Knight. (Shamalayan, you're dead to me)

But now - no.

Now I am forced to dissect, ruminate, and blog about the absurd observations of human behavior during, before, and after a little act of nature called an earthquake.

Couldn't do it yesterday, nerves were shot to hell.

So anyway, here I am, back at the scene of the crime (5th floor of a highrise), wearing flats (suddenly my 4 inch stillettos aren't close enough to the ground) , attempting to shoo away the post traumatic memories of it all. Shoo. Shoo shoo shoo.

Here's a simple re-enactment:

8am - 9:30am: Arrive at work on time, shuffle some papers, make a few calls, pick up breakfast from cafeteria, close office door, commence to read at desk while eating breakfast.

9:30 - 11:40am: Still half eating and reading while working. Yuccking it up with various co-workers. It's almost noon, so the topic is LUNCH.

11:41am: Swapping menus and fussing with co-workers over Jerry's Deli vs. Gushi's.....wait...who the hell is playing under my desk?

11:42am: Oh. shit. Floor is vibrating beneath feet. Walls are moving...and creaking. Hold UP. Something is going very wrong with this building. Everyone freezes, like the goddamn fools we are.

11:42am - 6pm: (ok, it was only until 11:44am, but it felt like f o r e v e r)

Supa: Oh shit. Oh shit shit shit shit shit. It's an earthquake. Don't move. It'll stop. It always stops.....

Frozen Co-worker outside Supa's office: Oh wow. Whoa. Hey man, whoa. It's still shaking. It's still going....

Supa (as rumbling, noises, squeaks, movement continues): Okay, there it is. Shit. It's stopping...it's stop-- oh shit. Shit fuck shit! Okay, ok. This right here is some bullshit. Fucking shit damn fuck. This is it. Dude, it's not stopping. IT'S NOT STOPPING

FC: NO! No! It's stopping. Listen. See. (he has been in surfer-like stance since all this began) There...oh. Wait...Whoa. (rumbling, movement, dies down.....then comes back even stronger)

Supa: Oh shit shit shit shit shit shit!

FC: Shit! Oh Shit! Shit, man. Shit!

11:44:30: Quiet pandemonium. Then - it all stops. Just like that. Everyone wanders out of their previous positions, dazed, asking: (no lie) was that....an earthquake?

Yes, boys and girls, we Angelenos are spoiled, clueless wimps. Living fat off the land and sun, in the earthquake capital, ignoring the fact that we're all just sliding around on tectonic plates, and can merely do nothing more but freeze (some people ran - into the streets - because..why?) when the event that we know is eventually going to happen, happens.

So yeah, it's been about 15 years since Northridge, and our punk asses had gotten real comfortable. All this updated technology, retro-fitting of buildings, la la la, we're safe, right? So now, instead of a highrise or building simply collapsing, it does something even more sinister - it sways. Rocks. Back and forth, to and fro, swinging swaying, like the structure is taking a nice easy ride. Like on a collosal, crack-cocaine rollercoaster. Nice.

Technology is just wonderful. A few things flew off a few shelves, some bricks fell, no biggie. The only injuries were fools pushing and trampling each other to get out of their respective buildings.

And oh, oh, we can now prevent keep a city from collapsing - but the phone systems can't handle the load when everyone and their momma starts rushing to their cellies and land lines to check on loved ones to ask - did you feel it? It was two hours before I could make or receive a call.

So there we were, dumbstuck fools, all gathered around the lunchroom television, gaping at CNN. Goons, all of us.

Soon after, most folks decided on vodka for lunch. I waived my right, and instead chose just to step outside and inhale some of that good, toxic Los Angeles air.

Which is when I heard a random white guy, all suit and tied, answer his cellphone and say:

"Hey! Bob. What's crakalackin'?"

I walked slowly back into the building, knowing this day was truly the beginning of the end of the world. Nice.

That is all.