Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Supa Goes Shopping...

"weird shit always happens to me...." ~ Notable quotable by That Blogger...

So, okay...After a weekend of being on strike, yesterday Supa was forced to accept the fact that it was time to hit the store and replenish the Supa Pad: You know, restock them fruits and veggies and snacks and eats and drinks and shit.

Please note: Historically, grocery shopping has never been one of Supa's favorite tasks. Simply because (historically speaking) the act of trying to navigate some busted-out shopping cart in high heels after a long-ass day at work while simultaneously trying to keep your spawn from asking too many questions and/or pulling every damn thing off the shelf while you're trying to locate those damn coupons you spent all Sunday afternoon clipping - well, let's just say it wasn't a good look for me. Least I didn't think.

But hey - kids grow up, and in time you can thankfully leave their asses at home while you handle the grocery store business. So after fighting traffic from downtown LA yesterday eve, the original plan of driving back across to the otha side of town to Whole Paycheck was scrapped. Supa settled in on your local, average, over-priced, mediocre grocery store haunt. And by this time, all Supa wanted to do was get in and get out. More specifically: she wanted a case of Hansen's!!

So, Supa goes about her shopping. Supa mobs in the store like she's taking over a small country. (Supa rarely does lists...) We need some of this shit, some of that shit, snatch it, drop it in basket, keep it pushing. Main motivation is to hustle self over to the glorious beverage aisle....

And okay, does this happen to anyone else? Like when you're performing some mundane task, does your mind start to wander and pontificate on random, stupid shit? Here's what Supa was thinking as she pushed down the paper goods aisle:

So like, how does the Downey ball know precisely when to open up and release the fabric softener during the wash cycle?....Is the shit computerized or somethin??.. Is D'Angelo still fat? Cause damn he usta be foine....Wonder what went down on the Sopranos last night....Did I pay the damn electric bill?....Is Maxwell ever going to drop another CD?...Did Kool Moe Dee really win the battle against LL Cool J? I want some new wedgies....Who shot Suge?

Insanity all inside my head, I tell you.

....Anyway. Almost to Shangri-La. Supa turns the corner, mouth all watering and ready to grab those pretty colorful cans, and then this is what goes down:

Strange Jamaican Cat I've Never Seen Before In My Life: Oooweeee!! Me felt dis powerful vibration coming towards me, and I couldn't move! And pah! It is you!

Supa: (jumping back like I'd seen a character from the dreaded Narnia.)
Ohmygod. You scared me! Please, don't do that....

Strange Jamaican Cat: Me nah mean to scare you! I just felt something...coming! (okay, I'm gonna stop the patios & just loosely translate from here on out)

Supa: Okaaaay.... (slowy pushing basket away from dude)

Strange Jamaican Cat: Sista. I can see the glow above your head. It is very bright! Your aura is shining all around you!

Supa: Really? I mean, yeah...thanks. I've been told my aural colors are kinda...unique. (not really giving a shit at this particular moment)

Strange Jamaican Cat: Yes! Yes! I can see that! Dis is real, you know! See, I can tell about a person instantly because...

Supa: (halfway listening) Umm...do you...think you could....uh, move over just a little bit? (I mean, dude was seemed cool but he was BLOCKING THE SODA CAN SELECTIONS!!!!!!)

Strange Jamaican Cat: Oh! Sure thing, my queen. For what is it are you looking?

Supa: Hansen's. Natural sodas.

Strange Jamaican Cat: Ahhh. No good for you. Too much high fructose. You should drink water. Or Snapple....

Supa: (thinking: Look, Dick Gregory.....) I do drink water. And Snapple. And fresh juice and even spirulina... But right now, I don't want NONE A those. I want some Hansen's!!! (almost a whine)

SJC: Well, Bright One (wtf?), it looks as if you're out of luck today.....(showing Supa the empty space of the shelf)

Supa: Gasp!!!! (looking at where all the Hansen's have been ganked, on account of them being on sale or something...)

GROWL. I bid a farewell to the SJC. Salty as fuck. Wonder how my aura looked now....(i know i know, it doesn't change...)

THEN...there's more...but the next encounter just warmed Supa's heart! Upon checkout, a lil' brotha who couldn't have been any older than twelve, appeared beside Supa and asks: Excuse me, would you like me to help you with your bags? (Manners were on point. I likes that.) So I lets little man push my cart and load the groceries into the whip, and meanwhile our conversation went something like this:

Supa: So lil' man. You out here trying to make a little money?

Little Man: Yes, ma'am.

Supa: Where are your friends? (I was just testin him...just in case he had a lil' crew lying in wait, tynta run up on my groceries or my car keys somethin..Some of these lil mofos is crazy, ya'll.)

Little Man: I don't know where they are. I'm just out here working by myself.

Supa: Well I appreciate your lil' enterprise you've got going. You approached me in a respectful fashion...you work fast...you didn't throw the bottled water on top of the bread..you doin' good work.

Little Man: Thank you.

Supa: So, what your grades lookin' like?

LM: Ai'ight. Cool...

Supa: Good. Because I can already tell you have a brilliant mind, and there's no excuse for you not to use it. You hear? I'm not gonna tell you that just because you're a young black man, that you're a victim and everything is all bad. You have control over your life, and anything you want to do with it. The people who love you want to see you achieve. Understand?

LM: Yes, ma'am... (probably thinking, "lady stfu w/all the lecturing and just gimme some doe")

Supa: Okay. Here's a dub for you, lil' man. Save some, spend some, you hear?

LM: Thank you! Okay! Thank you!

Awwww!!!! How cute was that? Anyway. Got home, RR#1 did his job by bringing in and putting away the groceries, while I quietly gathered my Vitamin Waters, Sparkletts Lime Flavored sparkling water, snack chips, nuts, etc, and stashed them all the fucking way in the back of my damn closet.

Spare me the, suggestions, Blogger Fam. I'm on the edge with the food drama right about now...(spent $160 bucks, let's see if it lasts a week)

23 comments:

onecoolhoney said...

Fiiiiiirrrrrrrst!

hey Supa! Wassup with the new blog maam!

Supa said...

Girl, you scared me!!

(I'll hit you up in IM. U get my text earlier today???)

P said...

Sup:

Can I help you put your groceries in your new beemer, ma'am? I could really use a dub. I'll even open the door for you and let you in while you send one last text message on your raising the bar palm pilot.

Knockout Zed said...

Your RR gon' be on the prowl for the refreshing beverages.

KZ

onecoolhoney said...

Okay, I hate grocery shopping too. I go without my boys wherever possible, never after work (must dress comfortably), and there's a Wal-Mart within a mile from my office so I can disappear on a "break" and get all my nonrefrigerated items without losing any personal time.

LMAO@ Downey ball. OMG girl! Well, I can answer that one at least so you don't have to be wondering while "throwed" anymore! LOL It works by motion and gravity. In the spin cycle, the ball is hurled against the sides of the washing machine and it becomes unbalanced. The weighted top turns it upside down and then once it reaches a certain angle, it pops open and sinks just as the water flows in. It's all in the speed of the spin.

Good luck with the food rationing!! Sorry 'bout yo Hansens!! :(

onecoolhoney said...

Naw, me get no text from u tah-day, but you know I keep my cell off while I'm in the office to keep it from roaming and draining my battery all day, so it may pop up all late as it occasionally does. Hmm, that reminds me. I haven't tested that on the 650. It was the 600 that would get drained. Uh oh ... Experiment time!

"N" Search of Ecstasy said...

LMAO @ the vision of you walking in those heels with the busted shopping cart, hehehe. Not only that, those fucking questions are hilarious – especially the one about the downy ball!

Miss Ahmad said...

wouldn't life be cheaper and easier if we were just fast food junkies?

I'll never forget when i first moved out of my mother's house and she told me that I didn't make enough to support my juice habit!

crushed me!

Epsilonicus said...

I am glad you ave lil man a lil bit of money for helpin you. Some people would not have given him ish

You shoulda just told the Jamaican cat to stop lookin at your aura. You had things to do!!!

Brave Lurker said...

Damn! You have the most interesting experiences doing the most banal tasks like grocery shopping. : ) I've been told I have a yellow aura . . . ???? Anyhoo, good luck on the Hansen search. Don't send me a death-ray but I'm drinking one now (Cherry Vanilla Creme). Hee hee hee.

Miz JJ said...

That little dude who helped your with your groceries is too cute.

The Phoenix aka ThatGirlTam said...

Am I the only one who likes to grocery shop? Maybe it's because that's the only time I get to be AWAY from my family for some ME time!! I'm so mad, I totally forgot this week's supply of Vitamin water and I only have one left. ((kickin the dirt))

I don't fuck with that Downey ball...I think I tried it a few times and each time my clothes were stained...I'd rather just listen for the rinse cycle and pour the shit into the water.

I had a fabulous time Saturday~ ((We missed you Tia and Dee)). And WOW @ $160 worth of food not lasting a week! OMG!! I think I spend about $130 (average) and sometimes I have shit left for the NEXT week...and that's for 5 people and sometimes P!

Cocoa Girl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
dpm said...

Supa, do you need me to pour your sodas? I can do yard work too. And if you're ever too tired, I can push your cart in the grocery store. Lemma know.

Cocoa Girl said...

Cocoa don't do groceries...

Okay, once a week...but it's really only for an organic (cooked) bird (the kitty likes it) and some dried cranberries. Oh, I'll occasionally buy some fish and ground turkey is always a staple.

BTW, LMAO at Miss Ahmad's comment...there were SO many things that I realized I could no longer afford after leaving my mom's house. Like dining at restaurants every night and Prada...

Supa said...

@ STORM - Okay, who the fuck are you? (lol!) Thanks for the Downey ball insight, Ms. Einstein...

@ Nic - Stop laughing!

@ Ms. Ahmad - Girl! I'm sayin'! Least it's only YOU and your own habit! Try adding some "brown babies" to the mix!! :)

@ Espi - HA!

@ Brave Lurker: HEY MA!! I was wondering where ya been at. :) And, yeah, you're getting the GLARE!! (I love Cherry Vanilla!!)

@ Phoenix: Okay, so your grocery store time kinda doubles at your "me" time...ok. I still dislike it. And you probably can stretch your grocery shopping out cause you hit every store and every sale within a 15 mile radius just to save!! SUPA DONT DO THAT.

@ DPM - Hmmm...don't tempt me.

@ Cocoa: Can I get an AMEN?!?!

Supa said...

@ Brave: Yellow aura, hunh? I think that's like a "physical core" element...I've been "told" mine is a lavender, yellow, violet mix..

onecoolhoney said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Zlogical said...

I don't know what to say Supa you need to have a reality show. Humn sounds like a tip...

African girl, American world said...

LOL that downy question was actaully answered!
Mwabi can't grocery shop! I swear I feel like I never get the right things and sometimes I'd go at midnight just so I didn't have to be refere (sp) with these boys. They're 4 and 6 and already can put away a large pizza - I see what's coming with the beverages. A 2-Liter already lasts one meal with the husband.

LOL @ Jamiacan dude and your Dick Gregory reference! I felt your energy coming.....guess worse things could have been said.

And conversation with Lil Man could be just what he needed...glad he was well taught.

African girl, American world said...

oh and the random shit in your head, girl please! Everyday I think of dumb stuff like is TI gon get some food today and put on some weight and is there hope for Bobby Kristina and how do pain relievers KNOW which pain to cure...like when you take tylenol for cramps one day and for a headache the next..does it get confused? And how is JoJo and Lil Russy doing from Run's House and what ever happened to Laura from family matters? I was really thinking bout her the other day when I was driving.

See??

Supa said...

@ Mwabs - I'm laughing out loud so fucking hard right now!!!! (Bobby Kristina? oh lord!)

So I'm not alone in the "randomness"

Girrrlll......that shit that goes through MY head!! It troubles ME sometimes.....lol

LIKE - there was that ole' story on the news otha nite about mother's being able to drop off their unwanted babies at a hospital/fire station within 72 hours of birth..

and I was like...well..what if she a lil' late? Like, she made it there within 76 hours or somethin'...they still gon' make her keep the little rugrat? Is there a muhfuckin grace period on dropping off your unwanted child? What what?.....

somebody stop me...

onecoolhoney said...

Uh I'mma let you make it on all that there. lol *smh*