Supa Goes Shopping...

"weird shit always happens to me...." ~ Notable quotable by That Blogger...

So, okay...After a weekend of being on strike, yesterday Supa was forced to accept the fact that it was time to hit the store and replenish the Supa Pad: You know, restock them fruits and veggies and snacks and eats and drinks and shit.

Please note: Historically, grocery shopping has never been one of Supa's favorite tasks. Simply because (historically speaking) the act of trying to navigate some busted-out shopping cart in high heels after a long-ass day at work while simultaneously trying to keep your spawn from asking too many questions and/or pulling every damn thing off the shelf while you're trying to locate those damn coupons you spent all Sunday afternoon clipping - well, let's just say it wasn't a good look for me. Least I didn't think.

But hey - kids grow up, and in time you can thankfully leave their asses at home while you handle the grocery store business. So after fighting traffic from downtown LA yesterday eve, the original plan of driving back across to the otha side of town to Whole Paycheck was scrapped. Supa settled in on your local, average, over-priced, mediocre grocery store haunt. And by this time, all Supa wanted to do was get in and get out. More specifically: she wanted a case of Hansen's!!

So, Supa goes about her shopping. Supa mobs in the store like she's taking over a small country. (Supa rarely does lists...) We need some of this shit, some of that shit, snatch it, drop it in basket, keep it pushing. Main motivation is to hustle self over to the glorious beverage aisle....

And okay, does this happen to anyone else? Like when you're performing some mundane task, does your mind start to wander and pontificate on random, stupid shit? Here's what Supa was thinking as she pushed down the paper goods aisle:

So like, how does the Downey ball know precisely when to open up and release the fabric softener during the wash cycle?....Is the shit computerized or somethin??.. Is D'Angelo still fat? Cause damn he usta be foine....Wonder what went down on the Sopranos last night....Did I pay the damn electric bill?....Is Maxwell ever going to drop another CD?...Did Kool Moe Dee really win the battle against LL Cool J? I want some new wedgies....Who shot Suge?

Insanity all inside my head, I tell you.

....Anyway. Almost to Shangri-La. Supa turns the corner, mouth all watering and ready to grab those pretty colorful cans, and then this is what goes down:

Strange Jamaican Cat I've Never Seen Before In My Life: Oooweeee!! Me felt dis powerful vibration coming towards me, and I couldn't move! And pah! It is you!

Supa: (jumping back like I'd seen a character from the dreaded Narnia.)

Ohmygod. You scared me! Please, don't do that....

Strange Jamaican Cat: Me nah mean to scare you! I just felt something...coming! (okay, I'm gonna stop the patios & just loosely translate from here on out)

Supa: Okaaaay.... (slowy pushing basket away from dude)

Strange Jamaican Cat: Sista. I can see the glow above your head. It is very bright! Your aura is shining all around you!

Supa: Really? I mean, yeah...thanks. I've been told my aural colors are kinda...unique. (not really giving a shit at this particular moment)

Strange Jamaican Cat: Yes! Yes! I can see that! Dis is real, you know! See, I can tell about a person instantly because...

Supa: (halfway listening) Umm...do you...think you could....uh, move over just a little bit? (I mean, dude was seemed cool but he was BLOCKING THE SODA CAN SELECTIONS!!!!!!)

Strange Jamaican Cat: Oh! Sure thing, my queen. For what is it are you looking?

Supa: Hansen's. Natural sodas.

Strange Jamaican Cat: Ahhh. No good for you. Too much high fructose. You should drink water. Or Snapple....

Supa: (thinking: Look, Dick Gregory.....) I do drink water. And Snapple. And fresh juice and even spirulina... But right now, I don't want NONE A those. I want some Hansen's!!! (almost a whine)

SJC: Well, Bright One (wtf?), it looks as if you're out of luck today.....(showing Supa the empty space of the shelf)

Supa: Gasp!!!! (looking at where all the Hansen's have been ganked, on account of them being on sale or something...)

GROWL. I bid a farewell to the SJC. Salty as fuck. Wonder how my aura looked now....(i know i know, it doesn't change...)

THEN...there's more...but the next encounter just warmed Supa's heart! Upon checkout, a lil' brotha who couldn't have been any older than twelve, appeared beside Supa and asks: Excuse me, would you like me to help you with your bags? (Manners were on point. I likes that.) So I lets little man push my cart and load the groceries into the whip, and meanwhile our conversation went something like this:

Supa: So lil' man. You out here trying to make a little money?

Little Man: Yes, ma'am.

Supa: Where are your friends? (I was just testin him...just in case he had a lil' crew lying in wait, tynta run up on my groceries or my car keys somethin..Some of these lil mofos is crazy, ya'll.)

Little Man: I don't know where they are. I'm just out here working by myself.

Supa: Well I appreciate your lil' enterprise you've got going. You approached me in a respectful fashion...you work fast...you didn't throw the bottled water on top of the bread..you doin' good work.

Little Man: Thank you.

Supa: So, what your grades lookin' like?

LM: Ai'ight. Cool...

Supa: Good. Because I can already tell you have a brilliant mind, and there's no excuse for you not to use it. You hear? I'm not gonna tell you that just because you're a young black man, that you're a victim and everything is all bad. You have control over your life, and anything you want to do with it. The people who love you want to see you achieve. Understand?

LM: Yes, ma'am... (probably thinking, "lady stfu w/all the lecturing and just gimme some doe")

Supa: Okay. Here's a dub for you, lil' man. Save some, spend some, you hear?

LM: Thank you! Okay! Thank you!

Awwww!!!! How cute was that? Anyway. Got home, RR#1 did his job by bringing in and putting away the groceries, while I quietly gathered my Vitamin Waters, Sparkletts Lime Flavored sparkling water, snack chips, nuts, etc, and stashed them all the fucking way in the back of my damn closet.

Spare me the, suggestions, Blogger Fam. I'm on the edge with the food drama right about now...(spent $160 bucks, let's see if it lasts a week)