Wednesday, September 06, 2006

The Chicken Story


(sigh) Confession: When Supa started this blog almost one long short year ago, she had visions of creating a platform on which she could write and rant about the literary world, current events, socio-political commentary, connect with other writers and readers, bask in the human (online) experience, etc.

Stuff like that. Lofty shit.

Supa did not forsee that she would instead be chronichling her stranger-than-fiction life, which most recently and quite disturbingly includes, but is not limited to, training bras and escaped chickens. Please readers, know my intentions were pure. Someday soon maybe I'll get back on track.

So. On to the chicken.

My next door neighbor is suspect. Knew it the moment she moved in, put couldn't quite put my finger on it. But yeah. Now it's been revealed that she's some kind of "priestess," which most of us already gathered from all the chanting and singing she and her "followers" do in the backyard under the cloak of darkness, and Supa doesn't have any problems with her cultural/religious beliefs. Not at all.

What Supa DOES have a problem with, is when said cultural/religious beliefs manifest themselves as an escaped chicken which has currently barracaded itself in Supa's backyard.
Clucking and making noises and shit.


Exhibit A: The loose chicken.

(don't look at the dry ass neglected grass, it's about to be re-sodded. Look at the chicken.)

The chicken is traumatized, ya'll. For real. Guess when it looked around and saw what happened to its chicken brethren. (uhh..they got SACRIFICED), the chicken was like, "These n*ggas is crazy!" and commenced to bounce.

Right into Supa's backyard - made its debut with company present no less.. Here we are chillin', sippin', and enjoyin' a little fun in the sun, and somebody goes Uhhhh, there's a chicken in your yard.. Supa was like - What the fuh...?

And sho' nuff. A chicken. A fuckin' ALIVE chicken. Last time I checked, livestock wasn't allowed in the city limits - at least in residential areas. So who am I now, the fuckin' chicken amnesty of the hood? Bitch, you betta run before these fools turn you into a 2 piece snack. Have you fried and posted up next to a biscuit....

So. Filed a complaint with the Department of Health Services. Did I forget to mention that my neighbor's trash smells like rotting corpses? Shit is FOUL. Everyone on the street has been wondering where the stench was coming from. And this is truly disturbing - my neighbor on the other side of the Suspect Neighbor, said he saw a live GOAT in the yard otha day. Ex-cuse me?

Where's the goat at now, I scream!

He gave me a look like: What the fuck you think?

Awww snap. They done kilt the goat. Lawd lawd lawd.

So. I'ma let the chicken lay in the cut, and not return it to it's captors...nobody can coax the damn thing out from behind the garage anyway. Poor chicken. Maybe it'll try to make some more progress, away from the House of Horrors, once it gets over its post traumatic stress. I can't call it. If it does escape - where the chicken gon' go? Shit is kinda gully down on Crenshaw Blvd. Them hustlas might snatch that chicken up and bootleg sell it. (Yo man, I got a chicken you know you need a chicken....five dollars, son...)

Any which way, it 'aint lookin' good...

16 comments:

Single Ma said...

OH. MY. GOD. After this...

"the chicken was like, "These n*ggas is crazy!" and commenced to bounce.

Right into Supa's backyard - made its debut with company present no less.. Here we are chillin', sippin', and enjoyin' a little fun in the sun, and somebody goes Uhhhh, there's a chicken in your yard.. Supa was like - What the fuh...?

And sho' nuff. A chicken. A fuckin' ALIVE chicken."


I couldn't read no MF mo'. I'm LMAOOOOO too damn hard. My stomach hurt and my eyes are watering. I'll be back!!

Sangindiva said...

This story was THE funniest shit ever!
I love how you weave us in with a good story...
you writin' heffa, you!

Only at YOUR house do chickens feel safe :)

Unruly Brown said...

Get the gat. (You knew I'd say that huh)

peachy0114(theresa) said...

I am at work and can not laugh as loud as I want to this sh*& is crazy...Give the chick a drink so it can calm its nerves and figure out its next move out of there.

Supa said...

@ Single Ma: Girl. You think the story is funny, can you imagine the LOOK ON MY FACE when first I laid eyes on the GD chicken?!?! The fuck? And in front of COMPANY too. I was fuckin' mortified...

@Sangin: Wassup Diva! Chickens feel safe at the Supa pad?! lol Least it figures it 'aint gon get slit and boiled here..sheesh..

@ Unruly: Me and you already "here" (eye to eye) lol.

@ Theresa: Hey T. Crazy hunh. I can't call it. Me and my crazy ass trying to figure out the chicken's route - Like, okay...so he walked a few steps...then walked UP my driveway...

Knockout Zed said...

Fuck that Santeria shit, what's up with the grass?

KZ

1969 said...

Supa...don't be calling the po po on the voodoo loving neighbors. They might put some roots on ya!

Seriously, last year a TURKEY escaped from some man's yard on a farm in PA and made his way down to West Philadelphia.....now you know...when I came outside to get in my car and saw a big a$$ turkey standing on top of my neighbor's car....this city gal ran back in the house screaming. And when I called the cops and the operator kept saying "A WHAT?" and I kept saying "I SAID, A FREAKING TURKEY!!!!!!!!".....so you know...I feel ya!

Single Ma said...

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO again!! I have no words for your...umm...UNIQUE life experiences. Only in Supa's world...

I already have book I.

I'm waiting on instructions for an autographed book II.

If you put your whole life story on paper and bind it up yo'self, I'd buy that shyt too!

"Bitch, you betta run before these fools turn you into a 2 piece snack. Have you fried and posted up next to a biscuit...."

Why did that remind me of Mo'Nique? I'm still LMAO...

Erica B. said...

OMG! My grandmother is a LA Creole, would call this "HooDoo".

African girl, American world said...

Can I just say that this sentence produced the biggest laugh I've had in ages???

Awww snap. They done kilt the goat. Lawd lawd lawd.

gurl!!!!

We enjoy your experiences so maybe start a serious blog strictly for commentary :)

And for the record, I was intrigued by the waxing/mini molesting story but come on, a live chicken in your back yard!! So get to it and tell that story.

And um, is the priestess not even looking for the escaped chicken???

Kasandra said...

LMFAO!!!

Man this is some crazy shhhh!!! Love it!!!

Bklyn Diva said...

ROTFLMAO.. sound like ya neighbor doin some obeah.. aka voodoo on her side of the fence..

LMAO.. lawd.. Hahahahaaaaaa

Cocoa Girl said...

Hahaha. Now, I live in New York and thought I had seen some shyt in my time. This is absolutely hilarious, Supa.

I cannot believe those mofos sacrificed a goat...iz they black?

Epsilonicus said...

You better return that damn chicken before they do a voodoo spell on ur ass!!

P said...

What you know bout Pioneer Chicken and Jim Dandy?

jameil1922 said...

chicken amnesty?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg i'm LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh ish that was a funny ass story!!!