So I'm running around on my lunch break, the usual; gas station, post office, pick up some eats, and it's West Coast Wednesday mix on the twelve o'clock hip-hop station, and then on comes Ice Cube's "Pushing Weight" (I push rhymes like weight, I push rhymes like weight, that one) and so I start feeling the beat and get to flllyyyyin' down the parkway, then my cellie rings and it's my son just checkin' in, and I'm still jammin' (push rhymes like weight), then my cellie rings again and it's that girl TAM wanting to run past the design she had in mind for my custom stationary, and I'm still flyin', (pushing rhymes like weight) and then BAM - red lights flashing all in my rear view!! Damn!
A sista gettin' pulled over by the most notorious gangstas...the LAPD!!!
So now I'm sweating cause I don't have insurance papers on my person, and the motorcycle cop is taking his sweet time walkin' up to my ride, and I see it's an older white dude and I'm thinking !DAMN! my cute ass flirting routine might not get me out of this jam, so I straighten up and attempt to erase ALL signs of my natural screwface, and then do my best to breathe and try to give him THIS face
you know, the "oh hello was I speeding really I didn't even realize it I'm so sorry I just got momentarily sidetracked" look, and then he just goes "LICENSE and REGISTRATION....in a dry-ass manner.."
So THEN I am forced to pull out my usual line that I offer, each time I do something illegal which goes:
"I'm so sorry! My husband works for _________ division, can I just tell him I've been a bad girl and have him spank me when I get home?"
Heh heh. Cops love that kinda shit. And ladies, don't you even pretend that you don't post up with the feminine wiles when necessary. I mean, it's not like I was gonna screw the old ugly dude, but a lil' smile and sweetness can smooth things out a bit....feminine power used wisely is oh so potent...
And hey, "my husband" is now my EX, but whatever. Semantics. We're the best of friends, and he's still an LA police officer. He'll cover for me. Always does. So, big ups to the Supa-Ex. You're still THE MAN. (see? that feminine stuff again)
SO! After a few more minutes of skinnin' and grinnin', ya girl was sent off with a stern warning. No ticket. See? 
And thank goodness. Cause I hate taking internet traffic school....
Today is turning into Wacky Wednesday.
I need a drink...
23 comments:
Yes folks...I was there! I seent the WHOLE THING!! HAHHAHA...I call my girl to let her know I'm bout to send a pic of her sample card...then she's like, "OH DAYUM TAM!!!! I'm bout to get PULLED OVA!" hehehe...and then AFTERWARDS, I get a call telling me that I must be her good luck charm! (see it ain't so bad knowin a witch! *wink*) Over there flirtin (AND LYING) to that man...you's a mess! HAHAHAA
Must be your phone man...I sent the same pic to P at the SAME TIME and she got it, but you didn't. Now YAHOO is trippin...I sent again...hopefully you'll get it this time!
Whew! Thanks Tam, got the pic. Love it.
Don't know whass gwaan with my phone. If you haven't already heard, Cingular doesn't like me.
O.M.G.
That's all I can say... I am beyond impressed! Well, have a good one, girl! I'm off to love my kitty cat!
Freaks! I meant a real one...hehehe
Now I would have called your card Supa--I'd admit that you'd get a different treatment than say some punk azz mug, but it shouldn't be that way, but it is...Anyways since you don't have to pay that ticket maybe you could by me lunch if I'm ever out in Cali (can't see why I'd be) on a rain ticket LOL. Some cops do have a heart--depends on your attitude. The last time I was pulled over was on my wedding night still in Tux' and all--the cop let me go with a warning even though the big azz sign did say "NO LEFT TURN BEFORE 3PM" so it's not always a female thing lady. When you wrong you need to reflect the right attitude--not "What you stop me for? Everyone's speeding!" I'm tripping but that's for real...
HA HA Brotha Z, I feel ya. It's all in the approach & attitude.
And I wasn't going THAT fast..:)
HAHAH..maybe cingular cut off your pic cuz you ain't paid the bill yet! hAHAHAHAH...betta answer the phone! Damn shame @ the 45 messages from that previous post...
btw, your samples are posted on the AFC page.
gurl the last time that happened to me, I was DEEP in myself listening to Damian...you know how that go.
Yay for the ex-husband/friend..doing it Will & Jada style :)
Hope your day is going just a lil better and I'm cheesing that baby boy was calling to check in with you...love it!!!
Mwabi: That's so funny! Folks useta call us Will & Jada. :) He's tall, I'm not, etc.
Thanks, I'm doin' a lil' better. 'Bout to bounce! :)
And my boy IS a sweetheart! Good kid.
nothing better than getting out of a ticket. i've only been pulled over once..i was doing a hundred on the highway racing a truck and managed to smile and charm my way out of a ticket and into a warning..
i don't know what you heard but it's great being young gifted (the gift of gab) and black!
Ahhh, so the feminine wiles worked and you were very lucky!
Yes Supa, slow down!
BTW, your samples are beautiful.
@Tam: You must tell me how you put the HTML link in the comments. Since I'm the duh of the bunch, please school me. I know how to do it otherwise. . .
@Supa: All Y'alls stanks for using your feminine wiles, you Jezebels, you. . .
HAHA! Jus kidding. Tam swears (and it's a bold face-ded lie) that I use them all the time.
@ Ms.A - Nah, right! I'm sayin'. Talkin' yourself out of something feels good. :) Plus - speeding tickets 'aint no joke! At least $250!!
@ Nic - I'm slowin', I'm slowin'!
@ P - I KNOW you be flossin'. Don't even TRY it. (bluetooth)
Yeah, that face would get you outta quite a few jams.
KZ
Zeddie: You're such a vicious flirt. Stop it.
I've charmed,skinned and grinned my way out of a many of tickets. I even once had to use my charms on a very manly woman officer. Hey you do what you gotta do, those points are expensive on the insurance!
LOL...work it then, girlfriend. :D
THAT is why I have named you the Gemini Genius!!
Gurlll work it out wit' cha Oh so BAAAAD spank me daddy self! that was classic girl- you ought to teach a class!!
I mean get paid for the goods you tellin'! :)
Oh- and I took your advice... I wrote somethin'!!
SLOW DOWN SUPA!
Wow! I've had many women tell about how the cute thing or flirting thing has gotten them outta many a ticket. It's amazing!
I'm a Big, Black Man, so my approach is much different, I act real proper and talk REAL WHITE! :~) It's worked.
Kudos, on the Super Ex. Can I turn a bad ex into a super one?
I'm jealous. My baby mama would have me arrested.
@ DPM - Sorry to hear that, bruh.
So. What'd you do to her?
lol!!!
@ Furious - I feel ya. A big black man can't get over in those situations like a lil' black woman can. But best believe, it was a manly lookin chick, I'da sprinkled some magic dust just the same. (like you Shawn!) It might not be politically correct, but it's the damn truth. Car insurance too high out here Cali!
LOL!
I was actually thinking that I couldn't use my charms on a burly, butch cop either.
Post a Comment