Thursday, September 29, 2005


Random thoughts, conversations, and questions for the week 9/26/05:

How come we can’t get any news on Haiti? Isn’t Michael Brown’s testimony on the whole FEMA fiasco tantamount to simpin’? Who’s the Carver on Nip/Tuck? Is there any scientific validity to the term “earthquake weather” that we throw around out here in LA? What the fuck is up with Paul Mooney? Don’t you wish B.E.T. would like, just, go away? And on that note, 50 Cent as well? Don’t you love a man who believes in manicures and pedicures for himself? Wasn’t the movie “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” a pile of steaming crap? Are people really happy during Happy Hour? Isn’t VH1’s “Best Week Ever” one of the funniest, innovative, most entertaining shows to roll through in quite awhile? Do you think women named Katrina feel kinda guilty now? Who else doesn’t give a shit about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? Doesn’t John Roberts and his funny-looking eyes give you the creeps?

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Supa Sister Rant: Damn those Conversation Loops!

They can happen to even the best raconteur; those pesky little pitfalls of communication I like to call conversation loops. Be it unwitting victim or accidental perpetrator, if you’ve been caught up in one, you already know - it’s nothing nice. Yes, even I have been taken down a time or two by these sinister potholes of seemingly casual conversation. Lately, though, I don’t become ensnarled in these lingual labyrinths as much as I once did; owing this to years of delicate research in determining the exact and precise moment of when to just shut the hell up.

So, what exactly is a conversation loop?

A conversation loop occurs when Speaker#1 is unable to advance to the next topic of desired conversation due to the actions of Speaker#2, who has chosen to comment on the comment Speaker#1 just commented on, which in turn prods Speaker#1 to reapply a similar response to the discussion already in progress, thus resulting in a conversation loop.

Sound confusing? In theory alone. Trust me, conversation loops happen pretty much on the regular. Just the other day, I bore witness to one while standing in line at the store. It was quite comical, though I didn’t think so at the time because, well, I had to pee.

Went like this:

Subject#1: “Good to see you, Leon. How you doin’ today?”

Subject#2: “Said my blessings before I walked out the door, praise the Lord.”

Subject#1: “I heard that! Praise the Lord.”

Subject#2: “Umm hmm. The Lord is good, isn’t He?”

Subject#1: “Yes He is. Praise Him…”

Subject#2: “Yessss, Praise you, Lord.”

Subject#1: “Yes. Praise Him…”

Subject#2: “Praise the Lord!”

Subject#1: “Praise Him…”

Subject#2: “The Lord, He is praised!”


Pesky conversation looping occurs when (a) you’re conversating with an idiot, (b) someone is conversating with you and you’re the idiot, or simply (c) both parties become trapped revolving door style in harmless, useless, repetitive dialogue, and merely fail to identify the proper way to get out.

It’s sad, true, and can be - some pretty funny shit.

Even more, along my sanity-reducing, rollercoaster ride on the track of motherhood, I have since become convinced that the origin of conversation loops are deeply rooted (and cultivated) within the context of age old sibling-rivalry. Children are masters of the conversation loop. I am constantly, regrettably, privy to the various styles, techniques, and levels of sheer annoyance in which a conversation loop can occur. Here is the last loop I overheard by my lovely spawn, whom I adore, who also aggravate me to no unspeakable end, which is sometimes very difficult to reconcile but what the hell the law says I have to feed them anyway:

LovelyButAnnoying Child#1: “Leave me alone.”

LovelyButAnnoying Child #2: “No, you leave me alone.”

LovelyButAnnoying Child #1: “Well you started it.”

LovelyButAnnoying Child #2: “No, you started it.”

LovelyButAnnoying Child #1: “Did not.”

LovelyButAnnoying Child #2: “Did too. I’m telling!”

LovelyButAnnoying Child #1: “You did start it. Tattletail!”

LovelyButAnnoying Child#2: “I’m not a tattletail!”

LovelyButAnnoying Child#1: “Are so.”

LovelyButAnnoying Child #2: “So what, so?”

LovelyButAnnoying Child #1 : “So, just leave me alone.”

LovelyButAnnoying Child#2: “I’m not bothering you.”

LovelyButAnnoying Child #1: “You are bothering me.”

LovelyButAnnoying Child #2: “You bother me more.”

LovelyButAnnoying Child #1: “No you.”

LovelyButAnnoying Child#2: “You.”

LovelyButAnnoying Child #1: “Leave me alone.”

LovelyButAnnoying Child #2: “No, you leave me alone….”

LovelyButAnnoying Child#1 and #2: (in unison) “Mom!”

AnnoyedMom: (thinking) Dammit I’m out of vodka again.


Once identified, the key to breaking the conversation loop cycle is a virtual no-brainer; the safeguards being fairly simple and painless to execute. They are: (a) never reiterate a reiteration, (b) never answer a question with a question, and last of all, my preferred method, (c) Just shut the hell up.

The last potentially crippling conversation loop I successfully evaded went down like this, after I tripped over some idiot’s foot at the movies:

Bigfoot: “You all right?”

Me: “Yeah, thanks. I’m cool.”

Bigfoot: “You cool?”

Me: “I’m cool. Thanks”

Bigfoot: “You sure?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks.”

Bigfoot: “You sure you’re sure?”

ME: Shutting the hell up.



Now you try…

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Airplane Pursuit

“Everyone’s worst nightmare” is fucking right. On my way home, I heard about that Jet Blue plane circling LAX because the landing gear had gone all screwy and they were trying to figure out what to do next. Oh. My. Fucking. God! I was simply and absolutely aghast. When I got home, I walked in and turned to CNN, and sure enough there it was, that airborne piece of steel with its wheels all twisted and looking stoopid, flying amongst that lovely marine layer, dumping fuel into the Pacific. Which made me think - #1) Another reason why my ass will never get into the Pacific Ocean, it’s nasty enough already, #2) dumping fuel, with these gas prices? What is that pilot, crazy?! #3) Guess we Angelenos have become some bored with those rote car pursuits, now we’ve graduated to watching active airplane situationals while we sit on the couch and munch popcorn. Groovy!

For real though. I was all nervous and jittery like it was my ass was stuck up in that plane. Had to fix myself a double vodka and cranberry just to watch it all unfold, vacillating between those poor people stuck at 30,000 feet, I wonder what they’re going through and shiiiiiittt I’m glad that ‘aint me!

Supa Sister loves to travel, but she’s got serious issues with confined spaces. Planes, elevators, boats, cars, marriage – stuff like that. Being places where I feel (realistically or not) that I can’t jet the fuck out when I’m good and ready to. Seriously. I had a freak out attack on a plane to Miami a few years back – couldn’t breathe, thought I was gonna die, cold sweats, grabbing the nearest flight attendant, upsetting the other passengers, the whole nine. Hey, I can’t call it.

Well…okay, not exactly true. Maybe it's because I’ve carried around the dreadful premonition that I’d probably die in a plane crash since the ripe old age of seven. Nowadays I can’t sit for longer than 5 hours on a flight without being liquored up. I also have a trusty supply of Xanax. You know, just in case shit gets too testy.

Glad this one had a happy ending, though: the pilot handled his like a pro, the plane didn’t blow up or smash at the end of the runway or anything like that. I just thought those folks coming off that plane were looking awfully……calm and non-traumatized. Maybe when you find yourself in a situation where your life could easily cease, you’ve got three hours to think about it, and then you realize that everything’s gonna be all right – maybe you’re just happy and relieved and things start to look kinda different to you. Maybe.

Supa Sister is gonna have to work on the being happy and relieved outlook, while skipping the whole stuck in an airplane part. Yeah.

That is all, carry on.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005